The Calm Before the Storm

I have been dying to start blogging again after a year of being in hiatus from the blogging world as I have been so overwhelmingly busy with my final year in college. Here I am sitting right now and my mind is totally blank. For the past few months I have told myself that as soon as I dive back into blogging my first entry must be something meaningful and would start at a positive note. I guess my original plan won’t push through as here I am thinking of something positive to blog about but this job-seeking dilemma’s been clouding my mind as it has always been since I finished school. Since there’s nothing really good to blog about I might as well just start blogging about my journey towards finding THE job.

                I entered college with two definite goals. First, to excel academically. Second, to finish college with excellent grades and get a good job, a job that I will enjoy not just a job that I will immerse myself into for the years to come because I need to earn for a living. When I passed my entrance exams in the school I attended my first choice was AB Communication Arts. This is the field I enjoyed and I believe where I fit so I took it even against the will of my mother. My second choice on the other hand was BS Business Administration Major in Marketing. Honestly, at that time Marketing was merely a word to me. I only had a minuscule understanding of what Marketing was all about. I only chose Business Administration as my second course because I know this is what my mother wanted me to take. Also, this was pretty much one of the most popular courses parents wanted their children to take in college because employment under this field is faster and the demand they say is bigger in contrast to my first choice. When I got my entrance exam results, Lord and behold I was informed that I can take ANY course I want even those not included on my top two choices. I fleetingly considered BS Accountancy. I know the employment demand on this field is high and not many people would take this course as it is five years of math which is clearly a mental torture especially if you are not a diehard math fan. In the end I still chose AB Communication Arts and my mother finally gave in.

 To some people especially to highly conservative and traditional parents my decision would appear absurd and totally a huge mistake. I have three reasons why I opted for my first choice. One, I chose AB Communication Arts because I knew this was my forte. Second, I cannot imagine taking another course that I do not like and dealing with it for the rest of my life. I thought, I’ve had enough dramas in my life. I’m living not only to earn money but to enjoy life. What is the purpose of the money you are earning if you’re miserable? Cliche as it may seem but it is true that money can’t buy happiness. Third, if ever I’ve made a mistake in choosing which course I should have taken, I put the blame on the Philippine educational system. I believe that many students take courses that initially attract them and realize later on that they’re not really cut out for it and end up shifting to another course. Such things happen due to the lack of information of the young people regarding different fields.  Right now I’m starting to semi-believe that I may have made a mistake indeed in my choice of course. Back then I did not know that you can work in the field of Advertising or Marketing Communication even if you did not major in Advertising, Mass Communication or Communication. The thing they call brain drain happened. College graduates applied and took jobs that are totally different from the course they studied in college creating imbalance in the business field. This wouldn’t have happened if the people were well educated and given extensive information early on about the different fields they can possibly take on.  Anyway, the thing is I could have easily picked Business Administration Major in Marketing but I decided to take what I really wanted and the field where I want to see myself in the following years to come.

In my entire four years in college more than half of it has been very glorious. So many opportunities that I did not expect to come came along. Due to my determination to turn my life around and start anew, I worked so hard to excel on my studies. Thankfully, my efforts paid off as I cannot imagine how much effort anymore to exert if I did not succeed in excelling academically. Good thing, after three semesters of sweat and tears, I finally made it to the Dean’s List and I enjoyed that sweet victory and title for three more semesters. I never faltered and went nowhere but forward and up. Eventually I found myself finally being recognized by people around but still made sure that I kept firm on the ground. I am going to lie if I said that I did not enjoy the attention of course I did. With it came along a surge of pressure from people which I had to carry along until the end. It was hard but between the life I led back in high school and in college I’d stick to my college life. Everything seemed perfect to me. I hear a lot of people say that high school is the best part of their lives. For me my high school was my college life. It’s the highlight of my life. This is the time where I learned how far I can go and this is where I became aware of the real world around me. This time of my life marked the point where I can say I have changed and matured. It was in college where I got a chance to live away from my own comfort zone—my family, helpers and home. For almost a year, I lived in a dorm which allowed me to play by my own rules. It was exciting because finally I get to taste freedom but at the same time it was also scary as this situation just happened to me without any notice or hint. The moment just came. One day, I am at home with everyone who I’ve lived with my whole life then the next day there I was in my own bed in a room with two roommates who are even three years younger than I am. I was scared because I didn’t know what to expect to myself with the door of freedom wide open allowing as much temptations to come along. I was afraid I might mess up and ruin everything I’ve worked hard for for years or worse even ruin my life for good. I was careful not to do anything stupid but that does not mean I lived a totally boring life while in the dorm. I have to let loose every now and then. I know I deserve to have a little fun with all the stress final year brought upon me, I think it’s important to take a break once a while. I always make sure that I did my job well while I was in the dorm. I always think that I have to stay serious with my studies no matter what, I semi-succeeded on that part, yes, semi-succeeded because I wasn’t able to graduate with Honors which I still can’t get over until now especially when I found out that my average was only 0.0081 shy from the required average for Cum Laude.


 The last semester of my college year was anything but bittersweet.  There where some good moments but there were also some bad moments. It felt like every bad thing that could have happened to me for the first three years all just came along in my final year. My first three years have been generally smooth flowing. I guess all of the problems gathered themselves up together and exploded in my final year in college. It was such a frustrating year in terms of academics. Sometimes it felt like things just weren’t going the way it was supposed to go. So many wrong things kept on happening, one after the another. Though I made it through with really good grades, it wasn’t the grades I wanted. The biggest blow came just a few weeks before graduation. I had to deal with a problem in one of my major subjects which I never thought would ever happen to me as I have always been very strict when it comes to my studies. Whatever happened I still firmly believe that I deserved more than what I got. I know that it was because of this subject why I didn’t made the cut for the Latin Honors.

Now, time to move on. Finally, I have joined the bandwagon, fresh graduate on a hunt for her ideal job. After so many months of waiting for a job I have finally snagged it during the last week of June. So I did my medical exams during the first week of July and passed my requirements on the same week.  The feeling was more comforting than happy actually. I’m happy that I finally have a job and that I no longer need to receive any naggings about job seeking from my forever impatient and control freak mother. All the excitement of job seeking  has totally dissipated because of my mother’s OC tendencies and impatience. Every single day of waiting for a job offer felt like a thousand years for me. It was a mental and emotional torture to me. I always worry that my mother would nag at me again about job and about my course. Of course I had no choice but to listen to her ultimatums everytime. Most of her words were piercing but what can I do, she’s THE mother.  As my mother always says, she is the law in this house and everything must go her way or its world war.  I just really feel that I deserved better. If others made it through I should get through it smoothly myself given how much I have worked hard back in college.

Waiting is the worst feeling in the world. It’s so cruel and torturous because you never know what to expect and when. You just know something about it enough to get you through and feel comforted for a little while but clueless about what really lies ahead and the pain that it has brought along in between. Most of the time I feel like I have already reached the dead end of my life feeling like I don’t know anymore where to go if I don’t see the right path. I so badly want to push forward but I am lost in the agony of waiting. I am just hoping that all of these pains will be worth it and when this is all over good things will come ahead.  

Now Listening to "Elephant Love Medley" by Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman for Moulin Rouge OST