Life's Definition of Reciprocation

I don't understand why when you throw your own self to life thinking that no matter how essential your own being is you'd still believe that life will give you back a million times more of happiness. Thus, you dive in and risk the only priceless thing you have in possession, YOU. Later on, after going through so much tough experiences you will realize that you just got less of what you bargained for. Is it worth it? Maybe. Is it painful? Yes of course. Losing is always painful as much as winning is so sweet. But of the two, losing though no matter how loathsome it may be or how we always try to get away from it, this is what's going to teach us to keep fighting back. The feeling is going to suck, seeing everyone around you succeeding and there you are struggling and uncertain of what's going to happen next stuck right at the end of the line. You feel bitter for others winning and you, though deep inside you know you deserve more is just too helpless to do anything for yourself. Most of the time you just allow yourself to get sucked by depression like it's as if that very thing will come into life and send you back to where you think you should be. This world is unfair. It's going to keep on slapping you with hate, fear and rejection and it would totally pull you to the ground. It will crush your very essence. It hates what makes you feel secured and contented. Despite being around people who cares about you, at the end of it all everything about your story will be written by you and no one else. You will feel alone but you have to accept that to win, you have to make the biggest sacrifice. In this world you have to stay alert and strong or you will ultimately lose this battle.

David Guetta All The Way

Oh phulease how ridiculously awesome can "Without You" by David Guetta Feat. Usher get? I can listen to this for one whole month. I'm watching David Guetta's music videos and I have to say that not only am I so impressed with his musical talent but his music videos are the best too. I would be more than willing to participate in one of his music videos. Watching his videos makes me feel so happy and giddy to party. Looking at the people in his videos makes me want to die of envy. Just seeing those people dancing the day and night away already makes me feel so ecstatic, game for anything crazy and be in the company of my best buddies.

Barely There

People say that you succeed by trying and trying so you just keep going. A lot of times, when you are working so hard trying you end up failing. You feel that it's all over but then despite that you know you need to continue trying. You don't know how long you have to try. To make the matters worse, you find yourself stuck with so many options on one side and on the other, a choice to drop it all and move on. Most of the time, you don't give it all up so easily.You will always end up choosing the side with so many options even though you can't see any of them so clearly.  As much as possible while you're still unsure of what you think you want and what is right, you just keep going. You let yourself go with the current flow because you believe that eventually you will find some clarity from that blur.

Back then you were the star everybody wanted to see, the one who shined the most but then you fell and there you are struggling to get back up.Who knows? maybe your time has passed and you have to go back in line again and wait for the right moment. It's probably not you. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Every single person has his/her own limits. One day, there will come a point when you'll feel like you're just spinning and spinning in one full circle without knowing when to stop, where to go or what you have to do to let go. You'd think that you're trying but everyone's just too occupied to see that. Then you reach your limits and though you don't know where to go next it just suddenly dawns in you that it's time to stop. In the beginning, you'd feel that everything been a waste and you'd feel terribly sad knowing how you've began building your first steps on that path just to let go of it or lose it. Definitely, after that sacrifice, you will receive a bountiful more of obstacles you need to resolve on your own. It will be hard in such a way that it'll push you to your limits and sometimes, it'll make you want to give up. You will go through a lot of hurt and rejection along the way but like what they say, success is sweeter after going through unimaginable pain while getting there.

#NowListening to "Strip by Chris Brown Feat. Kevin McCall
Album: Fortune

A Step Forward

Ever since, I have always been the perfect observer and listener. To the point that other people who barely know anything about me would think that I am an ultimate snob. I don’t say a lot to people I hardly know but that doesn’t mean that I have no interest in knowing them. When I meet someone new or when I get myself into some unfamiliar situation, there are usually a million things that spins on my mind that I want to release yet I can’t seem to. I don’t trust myself to say the smartest things in such kind of situations. Most of the time, I just watch and listen. Now that I am at the right age, I realize how much I have missed in my younger years but these are the moments I know I can never go back to. It’s really sad to know how much this upbringing has affected my entire life.

Alot of times, I have been this person that my friends run to in times of need. The one who listens to all their banters about school, lovelife, family problems and etc. I listen and give them nothing but the most comforting words to help them get through the day. At the end of every heart-to-heart session I hold with my friends, I get nothing but compliments on being such a great listener and source of advices to everything imaginable. To just be able to put a smile on their face during their bad days is enough already to make me feel accomplished for the day. Nothing beats the happy feeling of making your friends feel comforted. I always tell my friends who fear to try new things to go and not be afraid, my broken hearted friends to move on and show the guy what he just lost, my friends who have to make big choices to follow what she wants and etc. I was the ego booster to my friends, fully equipped with the best advices 24/7. Thinking about it now, I guess I have been so busy trying to be the perfect buddy to my friends to the point that I have forgotten myself, what I want and what I need. A lot of times, I have just stood there and watched great opportunities or people pass me by. I was too busy and accustomed to just observing and listening that I have grown into a person who can’t choose for myself. I have become stationary in one position and have forgotten to continue exploring. When I keep telling my friends only the most positive things, here I am stuck staring at the world of soon-to-be missed opportunities. I have so many wants yet everytime these good things come along, I have much more uncertainties in my mind to the point that I would just let these possibilities go thinking that I don’t deserve it or I am not cut out for it and when I am ready, it's already too late. It’s so ironic how I always tell people to value themselves and put their own priorities first before other people yet in my own life I can’t even apply them. For once, I finally really want to put myself on the top of my priority list and the others beneath me.  I’ve heard many people tell me how envious they are of my accomplishments and my confidence. I do know that I love myself despite my imperfections but at the same time I know too that I do not trust myself enough. I feel that if I take a step to an unfamiliar plane, I’d face rejection. I hate the feeling of losing or being rejected so I stay where I know I am safe, where I know I won’t fail. I have become too accustomed to being the follower to the point that I have feared change. I was not taught enough to challenge myself or step up and fight for what I believe is right. As I embark on another journey in life, this time I want to take control of myself. I want to do things that I want to try. It won’t be easy but at least I will try than regret later on. This time, I will hopefully be braver and will learn to step up more and not live in the shadow of someone else who I always tell myself is better than me and someone I will never be. But this time, I will turn the tables.I will talk and they will listen. 

#NowListening to "So Cold" by Chris Brown

Album: Grafitti