Making choices is a vital part of living. Everything we experience, our entirety basically is made up of every little decision or choice we've made all throughout the years.
In life, when you think that you've already made the right decision chances are either you'd go on thinking that you've really hit the jackpot or something might come along the way, another option, that would make you wonder which choice you should take and think twice whether your previous final decision which now turns into "one of the choices" again just like before you picked it is the right option. Every choice is so enticing that it'll really make you think hard. No matter how much you want to pursue both the rule of life dictates that no person can have it all. So, you have to choose one and let go of the other. This is where the problem occurs. Given that both choices are so enticing and the previous option being something that's no longer stranger to you and something you've already incorporated into your daily life and the other option being new, mysterious and equally as enticing as the other option, which one should you take? Most of the time when you've settled with a certain decision you find it hard to part from it especially if it has become totally a part of your life. But then humans are also naturally curious beings. People always crave for mystery. Even though we fear of what something we're unfamiliar with could cause us, at the same time it attracts us and tempts us to come closer and discover.
It's so frustrating that no matter how much we want to not choose from the choices laid upon us and just grab both we really have to let go of one. In these kinds of situations where you're left stuck in the middle you realize two things: One, that too much of the great things is not as good as it seems especially if you know that you can't have the best of both worlds. Secondly, you just have to deal with the pain of letting go when making your choice. There's no other way but this.
*NowListening to "Feeling A Moment" by Feeder
Album: Pushing the Senses
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sick of Getting Sick
Arrrggghhh... Finally it has happened. I have been wondering for a while now since it's been quite a long time the last time I got sick and I really find it quite unusual of me not getting sick for a long time already. Well since I've probably been thinking too much about it, here I am right now sitting in the sofa down with colds and some moments I feel like I'd rather die than go through the pain of getting sick. I really hate the feeling of having a scratchy throat and knowing that the first ever thing that I'd feel once I wake up in the morning is a burning pain on my throat. It makes me really want to cry and at the same time makes me appreciate more the moments wherein I was not sick. Most of the time I'd think about the times feel I have wasted when I wasn't sick and wish I could go back and do something more worthwhile during those times. Sounds like it's as if I'm dying. But that's how it's like for me whenever I'm sick. I really envy the people who get sick but don't really experience the burning pain in the throat first thing in the morning or the itchy throat that will keep you coughing non-stop for moments until you lose your breath. I go through all of it whenever I am sick and I hate it. Everytime I see someone who's very sick I really feel for them but at the same time I'm thankful that I'm not the one in their position. Whew I just really want this to be over. I hope that I can wake up tomorrow and it will be all gone.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Reality According to the Jungle
Why is life too complicated?
It's all because of the people themselves.
Whoever says life is easy definitely has never had a taste of reality. For a recent graduate like me who have just dived into the jungle I know that despite more than a decade of being a full time student bombarded with tons of school requirements, tests and a daily doze of nth level of stress that I still have A LOT to learn. I once thought after all that I have experienced as a student, I am prepared and fully equipped to join the battle in the jungle. I was wrong. Working is not like doing assignments and dealing with your groupmates. As a professional, expectations are higher since you are being paid for your expertise. Employers don't hire because they want you to learn, they hire you because they know that you can deliver. The school's sole duty is just to provide a rough preview of the jungle and basically that's it. You only learn when you're already there in the jungle. Having just started working, I have already discovered so many things I never thought was possible in this world. Though I knew such things existed but I never expected to witness them myself.
Going back to my question, Why is life too complicated?
People. They are what makes up the world and what keeps it moving. Without people then life might as well be considered void. Other animals may live but they can never surpass man's thinking capacity. Without humans, there will be no such thing as progress. Working made me discover so many things about people that I have never encountered before. Being a product of exclusive schooling for almost my entire student life, I can't help but feel shocked and confused. To clarify what I am talking about let me break it down for you.
1. Two worlds. I am well versed with the different types of people, girls in particular that I have to deal with back in school. Not even once did I had any problems dealing with people from my school. Blending in with the exclusive school crowd just comes out natural to me most probably because I'm used to the abnormal set-up. To be honest, I don't know how to deal with the people who didn't belong to my definition of "world". I didn't realize that my big "world" is just minuscule to the "world" where I belong now. I thought I've already discovered the different types of people from my experience as a student and worse, I thought it was all there is until I started working where I found out that my so called "big world" is not so big after all. The people I've met in school and the world we used to revolve in is just a small part of a bigger world with more people all with such complex personalities I never imagined possible. Meeting such people was so...new. I don't know if I should be happy or not. To think that hitting twenty two, I have just learned that there's such a whole lot of people with varying personalities which I have never encountered before. Some people who came from coed schooling get a bit taken aback when they hear about my views on people. Sometimes I'm starting to feel like back in school I was just playing house with other people or that I am a doll being controlled by authorities telling me what and what not to see and believe. I guess my expensive and extensive exclusive education failed to show me one of the most important lessons in life, to look beyond what is in front of me.
2. Men. Attending an exclusive school for more than a decade, I am tailored to become a feminist, someone who believes that WOMEN can have it ALL. That, as a woman I can stand on my own without support from men. Also, being surrounded by women my whole life, my concept of a normal world is a world that's just for and by women and men all belong to the background and only serve the purpose as eye candies to women. I don't know a thing about men and didn't felt the need to until I reached junior year in college. It never occured to me the need to have to learn to interact with men. Now, I just feel sorry for myself for not knowing how to deal with men. However, four new interesting realizations about men dawned on me:
- Polar Opposites. Some men are extremely shy. However, those men are the ones who will usually grab your attention and you'll just find yourself trying to unravel that mystery about him. But waiting until when he'll stay mum and not getting any signs at all will leave you either feeling more curious or just plain disappointed. Men can also be way over the top confident about himself, ugh it's such a turn off. Confidence is good but too much of it kills all the fun.
-There are sooooooooo many SMALL guys. I always thought that men should be taller than women and that there are only a few women who stands taller than men. Again, my assumption was proven wrong. In the company I'm currently working at, I see a lot of tall women everyday and at the same time, A LOT of SMALL guys. Having to see a small guy stand beside a tall woman is quite a painful sight to see. I always end up saying inside my head "Ohhhh crap, life is unfair. You just really can't have it all."
-Bye-bye to Gentlemen. At this day and age, men opening doors for the ladies, offering them a seat, carrying huge and heavy items for them or other gentlemen actions just don't exist anymore. I pronounce it official that gentlemen are extinct. In my office, where elevators are always broken, once the elevator door opens you have no choice but to dash towards it as fast as you can before it closes and becomes full. That means having to compete like you are in a marathon with both MEN and WOMEN, funny thing is they'd really compete. Nobody want's to get left behind and wait for another door to open. Hilarious that sometimes it feels like you're running for your life. Other times, when I'm in front of the elevator door once it opens, I'm even the one who has to keep the doors open and pave way for the MAN leaving. Personally, I'm not that bothered about this because I'm used to doing things on my own without the help of men. It was just me and my officemates' observation. Anyway, gentlewomen anyone? :)
-MEN ARE HUGE GOSSIPERS. Though I don't really find this quite shocking as I've heard this so many times already. It's just hilarious to sometimes see some really good looking and buff men circling around and talking about the latest showbiz, political or office gossips. They spread secrets like wildfire and get gossip updates in a speed of light. These men will give Boy Abunda a run for his money.
3. Love/Hate. It is not possible for someone to really love every single person he/she encounters. As humans, we are born with countless of flaws that can sometimes make us a subject of hate by others. We cannot stop it that's just how it is. There are moments wherein we meet people that we just can't help but hate sometimes but also adore. At times, you just wish that he/she leaves you in peace and move on some other place where you wouldn't have to see or hear from him/her ever. At times when he/she gets on your nerve you just wish that there were no rules in this world that needs to be followed and that you are free to do anything to the person you dislike without others judging you. However, despite all that hate maintaining peaceful relations remains your top priority. So, you just put on a poker face and do all the dirty work on your mind. But then one thing I realized about people we dislike is that regardless of all the things that makes us hate a person, there's always going to be something about that person that we'll love. That's why at some point we are able to forgive people who have done us wrong.
4. The Jungle. Why do I compare the reality to the jungle? Basically it's because in a jungle you are to expect the unexpected and journey without knowing where you will land later on. It's not like I will go there and know exactly where I'm heading. There's no concrete road in the jungle that would lead me to where I need to go. Everything appears the same as the other path. I may have plans in the beginning of what to do and where to go to but in the middle of my journey I will encounter so many things, paths and so many people that will convince me to divert from my original plan. I don't believe that when a person plans something he/she is able to follow it exactly how he/she planned it. There will always be changes midway. Sometimes I will surely find myself trapped in a series of dilemmas and must search a way in the jungle to breakaway from it. No matter what, I know that I have to go out from this jungle maze. Along my journey I will meet different sort of people who may love me, hurt me or change the way I view things. These people may be the ones who have survived long enough in the middle of the jungle but continues to be trapped because they haven't found the exit route yet, may also be the ones to guide you and maybe just use you. It's a game of survival of the fittest. But either way, my travelling can't stop. I have to keep going to reach where I want to go to wherever that is. Everything around me is so chaotic that it makes it all look so confusing. But it is through that chaos that I know I will find the way to appreciate the beauty that will unfold later on. At the end of it all I know I'll just feel comforted, happy and grateful that I've experienced so many things along my travels. I'd surely feel that the travelling I did in the vast jungle has been worth it. I will appreciate it because I know that I have made it through after all the "impossible" situations I had to get through. All of it will make me stronger, wiser and most importantly, whole.
We are who runs the world and the things that are happening to us. We are what makes up the experiences of other people and ourselves. We are what complicates things and who untangles them as well. This is our purpose. To create experiences and learn. We can't live a smooth and peaceful life forever. We must go through rough patches to appreciate the world and the people around us. Without pain we will not learn to love, appreciate and distinguish from all the dark clouds the silver linings that makes us feel blessed to be given another day to live.
#NowListening to "You Know it's True" By Jules Larson
Album: A Lot Like You
It's all because of the people themselves.
Whoever says life is easy definitely has never had a taste of reality. For a recent graduate like me who have just dived into the jungle I know that despite more than a decade of being a full time student bombarded with tons of school requirements, tests and a daily doze of nth level of stress that I still have A LOT to learn. I once thought after all that I have experienced as a student, I am prepared and fully equipped to join the battle in the jungle. I was wrong. Working is not like doing assignments and dealing with your groupmates. As a professional, expectations are higher since you are being paid for your expertise. Employers don't hire because they want you to learn, they hire you because they know that you can deliver. The school's sole duty is just to provide a rough preview of the jungle and basically that's it. You only learn when you're already there in the jungle. Having just started working, I have already discovered so many things I never thought was possible in this world. Though I knew such things existed but I never expected to witness them myself.
Going back to my question, Why is life too complicated?
People. They are what makes up the world and what keeps it moving. Without people then life might as well be considered void. Other animals may live but they can never surpass man's thinking capacity. Without humans, there will be no such thing as progress. Working made me discover so many things about people that I have never encountered before. Being a product of exclusive schooling for almost my entire student life, I can't help but feel shocked and confused. To clarify what I am talking about let me break it down for you.
1. Two worlds. I am well versed with the different types of people, girls in particular that I have to deal with back in school. Not even once did I had any problems dealing with people from my school. Blending in with the exclusive school crowd just comes out natural to me most probably because I'm used to the abnormal set-up. To be honest, I don't know how to deal with the people who didn't belong to my definition of "world". I didn't realize that my big "world" is just minuscule to the "world" where I belong now. I thought I've already discovered the different types of people from my experience as a student and worse, I thought it was all there is until I started working where I found out that my so called "big world" is not so big after all. The people I've met in school and the world we used to revolve in is just a small part of a bigger world with more people all with such complex personalities I never imagined possible. Meeting such people was so...new. I don't know if I should be happy or not. To think that hitting twenty two, I have just learned that there's such a whole lot of people with varying personalities which I have never encountered before. Some people who came from coed schooling get a bit taken aback when they hear about my views on people. Sometimes I'm starting to feel like back in school I was just playing house with other people or that I am a doll being controlled by authorities telling me what and what not to see and believe. I guess my expensive and extensive exclusive education failed to show me one of the most important lessons in life, to look beyond what is in front of me.
2. Men. Attending an exclusive school for more than a decade, I am tailored to become a feminist, someone who believes that WOMEN can have it ALL. That, as a woman I can stand on my own without support from men. Also, being surrounded by women my whole life, my concept of a normal world is a world that's just for and by women and men all belong to the background and only serve the purpose as eye candies to women. I don't know a thing about men and didn't felt the need to until I reached junior year in college. It never occured to me the need to have to learn to interact with men. Now, I just feel sorry for myself for not knowing how to deal with men. However, four new interesting realizations about men dawned on me:
- Polar Opposites. Some men are extremely shy. However, those men are the ones who will usually grab your attention and you'll just find yourself trying to unravel that mystery about him. But waiting until when he'll stay mum and not getting any signs at all will leave you either feeling more curious or just plain disappointed. Men can also be way over the top confident about himself, ugh it's such a turn off. Confidence is good but too much of it kills all the fun.
-There are sooooooooo many SMALL guys. I always thought that men should be taller than women and that there are only a few women who stands taller than men. Again, my assumption was proven wrong. In the company I'm currently working at, I see a lot of tall women everyday and at the same time, A LOT of SMALL guys. Having to see a small guy stand beside a tall woman is quite a painful sight to see. I always end up saying inside my head "Ohhhh crap, life is unfair. You just really can't have it all."
-Bye-bye to Gentlemen. At this day and age, men opening doors for the ladies, offering them a seat, carrying huge and heavy items for them or other gentlemen actions just don't exist anymore. I pronounce it official that gentlemen are extinct. In my office, where elevators are always broken, once the elevator door opens you have no choice but to dash towards it as fast as you can before it closes and becomes full. That means having to compete like you are in a marathon with both MEN and WOMEN, funny thing is they'd really compete. Nobody want's to get left behind and wait for another door to open. Hilarious that sometimes it feels like you're running for your life. Other times, when I'm in front of the elevator door once it opens, I'm even the one who has to keep the doors open and pave way for the MAN leaving. Personally, I'm not that bothered about this because I'm used to doing things on my own without the help of men. It was just me and my officemates' observation. Anyway, gentlewomen anyone? :)
-MEN ARE HUGE GOSSIPERS. Though I don't really find this quite shocking as I've heard this so many times already. It's just hilarious to sometimes see some really good looking and buff men circling around and talking about the latest showbiz, political or office gossips. They spread secrets like wildfire and get gossip updates in a speed of light. These men will give Boy Abunda a run for his money.
3. Love/Hate. It is not possible for someone to really love every single person he/she encounters. As humans, we are born with countless of flaws that can sometimes make us a subject of hate by others. We cannot stop it that's just how it is. There are moments wherein we meet people that we just can't help but hate sometimes but also adore. At times, you just wish that he/she leaves you in peace and move on some other place where you wouldn't have to see or hear from him/her ever. At times when he/she gets on your nerve you just wish that there were no rules in this world that needs to be followed and that you are free to do anything to the person you dislike without others judging you. However, despite all that hate maintaining peaceful relations remains your top priority. So, you just put on a poker face and do all the dirty work on your mind. But then one thing I realized about people we dislike is that regardless of all the things that makes us hate a person, there's always going to be something about that person that we'll love. That's why at some point we are able to forgive people who have done us wrong.
4. The Jungle. Why do I compare the reality to the jungle? Basically it's because in a jungle you are to expect the unexpected and journey without knowing where you will land later on. It's not like I will go there and know exactly where I'm heading. There's no concrete road in the jungle that would lead me to where I need to go. Everything appears the same as the other path. I may have plans in the beginning of what to do and where to go to but in the middle of my journey I will encounter so many things, paths and so many people that will convince me to divert from my original plan. I don't believe that when a person plans something he/she is able to follow it exactly how he/she planned it. There will always be changes midway. Sometimes I will surely find myself trapped in a series of dilemmas and must search a way in the jungle to breakaway from it. No matter what, I know that I have to go out from this jungle maze. Along my journey I will meet different sort of people who may love me, hurt me or change the way I view things. These people may be the ones who have survived long enough in the middle of the jungle but continues to be trapped because they haven't found the exit route yet, may also be the ones to guide you and maybe just use you. It's a game of survival of the fittest. But either way, my travelling can't stop. I have to keep going to reach where I want to go to wherever that is. Everything around me is so chaotic that it makes it all look so confusing. But it is through that chaos that I know I will find the way to appreciate the beauty that will unfold later on. At the end of it all I know I'll just feel comforted, happy and grateful that I've experienced so many things along my travels. I'd surely feel that the travelling I did in the vast jungle has been worth it. I will appreciate it because I know that I have made it through after all the "impossible" situations I had to get through. All of it will make me stronger, wiser and most importantly, whole.
We are who runs the world and the things that are happening to us. We are what makes up the experiences of other people and ourselves. We are what complicates things and who untangles them as well. This is our purpose. To create experiences and learn. We can't live a smooth and peaceful life forever. We must go through rough patches to appreciate the world and the people around us. Without pain we will not learn to love, appreciate and distinguish from all the dark clouds the silver linings that makes us feel blessed to be given another day to live.
#NowListening to "You Know it's True" By Jules Larson
Album: A Lot Like You
Friday, December 2, 2011
50/50
I just finished watching 50/50 a while ago. The movie features Joseph Gordon Levitt and Seth Rogen. The story is about a young guy named Adam (played by Levitt) who is pretty much living a routine life just like everyone else and suddenly gets diagnosed with cancer. As it is an unexpected event, he decides to live his life day by day, trying things he never did before and instead of succumbing to depression did whatever it took to fight his sickness to be able to live as normal as possible and hopefully get another shot at life.
While watching this movie I just thought how terrible it'd be to one day live like your usual self free from any deadly illnesses then the next day find yourself on the brink of death. For a lot of people who have never been diagnosed with a deadly sickness we'd probably never understand how hard it is. Maybe yes we do have a knowledge on how hard it is based on stories and facts but nothing compares to experience. I don't wish to suffer this kind of fate someday but pondering on how it's like to be that sick knowing that you won't be living long enough, for someone who's suffering from this fate I'm sure the first thing the person would think about is how he lived his life and what he could have done. Regrets.
In an ordinary day, when we know that we are healthy and in good condition to do what we need and are expected to do, we don't really allot even just a few moments to ponder about how precious life is. We just don't care. We believe that we just have to go with the daily flow and think about tomorrow next time. But no, it's not supposed to go that way. We're too busy earning money to spend on material things that would really mean nothing at all once something happens that would put our routine life into a halt such as suffering from an incurable disease as cancer. Does it really have to take a hard luck to make us realize what and how much we've been missing in life? Does it always have to be too late?
I feel really sad for the people who are suffering from this kind of fate and have no choice but to make the most out of their remaining days. Given their condition the only choice left for them is to live their life on urgency. They just have to resort to doing everything that they could have done before but they never did so when they were still perfectly in control in a short span of time. Now that they are weak and dying they finally realize that it's not so hard to do it after all. Back then they were just too lazy or busy thinking about the inconsequential things. Realizing that they were able to do so many things they once wanted to do when they were healthier all they can do is wish that they could have done it sooner. To be able to put everything on rush or cram all of the last minute plans in such a short span of time is something that I wouldn't want to happen to me when I have the whole lot of time to cherish every moment of doing the things I want to do. That's why I believe in the idea that sometimes we have to drop everything and have fun. We only live once so why waste it over stress? It hasn't been proven if there's really such thing as a second life but even if there is, that you in this lifetime will not be the same you again in the next lifetime. So I leave you this question, "If you were Adam, what would you do?"
#NowListening to "The City Never Sleeps" By Jason Walker
Album: Starlight Moonlight
While watching this movie I just thought how terrible it'd be to one day live like your usual self free from any deadly illnesses then the next day find yourself on the brink of death. For a lot of people who have never been diagnosed with a deadly sickness we'd probably never understand how hard it is. Maybe yes we do have a knowledge on how hard it is based on stories and facts but nothing compares to experience. I don't wish to suffer this kind of fate someday but pondering on how it's like to be that sick knowing that you won't be living long enough, for someone who's suffering from this fate I'm sure the first thing the person would think about is how he lived his life and what he could have done. Regrets.
In an ordinary day, when we know that we are healthy and in good condition to do what we need and are expected to do, we don't really allot even just a few moments to ponder about how precious life is. We just don't care. We believe that we just have to go with the daily flow and think about tomorrow next time. But no, it's not supposed to go that way. We're too busy earning money to spend on material things that would really mean nothing at all once something happens that would put our routine life into a halt such as suffering from an incurable disease as cancer. Does it really have to take a hard luck to make us realize what and how much we've been missing in life? Does it always have to be too late?
I feel really sad for the people who are suffering from this kind of fate and have no choice but to make the most out of their remaining days. Given their condition the only choice left for them is to live their life on urgency. They just have to resort to doing everything that they could have done before but they never did so when they were still perfectly in control in a short span of time. Now that they are weak and dying they finally realize that it's not so hard to do it after all. Back then they were just too lazy or busy thinking about the inconsequential things. Realizing that they were able to do so many things they once wanted to do when they were healthier all they can do is wish that they could have done it sooner. To be able to put everything on rush or cram all of the last minute plans in such a short span of time is something that I wouldn't want to happen to me when I have the whole lot of time to cherish every moment of doing the things I want to do. That's why I believe in the idea that sometimes we have to drop everything and have fun. We only live once so why waste it over stress? It hasn't been proven if there's really such thing as a second life but even if there is, that you in this lifetime will not be the same you again in the next lifetime. So I leave you this question, "If you were Adam, what would you do?"
#NowListening to "The City Never Sleeps" By Jason Walker
Album: Starlight Moonlight
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Why Do We Miss a Person?
They say people come into our lives for a reason. In our entire lifetime we get to meet hundreds of people with varying personalities. Though only a fraction really remains in our lives for good, each and every single person we've encountered has in some way affected our way of viewing the things around us most of the time, unintentionally. It just happens.
While I was going through my tweeter feed, one tweet caught my attention. it says, "Why do we miss a person?"
Humans are emotional in nature. We naturally crave for affection and communication thus, human interaction is an integral part of our life. We cannot exist without forming what we call "relationships" with other people. Experiences are what makes up memories or the the moments in our lives- may be long or just fleeting- that has in someway created an impact in the way we view things. These are the moments that we go through in our daily undertaking. And for every experience, there are other people involved that helps weave the whole thing into a memory.
Life is a battle. We are constantly faced with everything ugly. And the beautiful, though it exists in our everyday existence, is not as visible as the negativity that we see and feel all the time. When people who are a part of our lives share with us beautiful memories, we tend to either do something to prolong that beautiful memory, hold on to it tightly or relive the feeling and experience like it's as if it's still happening. We do it because it makes us happy, it makes us feel good and most importantly it makes us feel that amidst all the ugliness in the world there is always something beautiful somewhere. As rare as it may be, we do realize that it does exist. Also, I think that it is an experience that once upon a time we thought was impossible and to see it unfolding before our eyes and experiencing it in our life is a GIFT.
When you miss a person it means that you have formed a bond that's beyond what you feel towards most of the people you know. He/she stands out from the rest because he/she has penetrated your innerself in a way that most people are not able to penetrate. That person becomes your comfort zone. Being around that person makes you feel complete, comforted and safe. You tend to forget about other things and just focus on the moment. You become blind from everything including the ugly which once was the most visible and most importantly it strangely made you feel numb and blind to all the negativity. So, when that person disappears you feel empty. Thus, you reminisce. Maybe because you believe that something as beautiful as how it's been is just temporary and what happened in the past may or will never happen again. It has reached it's expiration and all it is going to be is a beautiful memory. Though the person may come back but what "has been" will never be the same again. You may repeat that moment but the feeling will never be the same as the first time it's been. Probably it's because the first was unexpected, spontaneous and just plain honest. Whereas the second time is planned and is just an effort to relive what "has been".
Maybe you also miss a person because you had so much good and bad memories together and you know that even if you want to stay together fate tells otherwise. No matter how long life is, no matter how much memories you share and no matter how much you want it to last everything has its limits and what's saddening is we can't tell when.
Maybe it's because of too much moments and experiences you've shared together that when you part ways the whole world just suddenly reminds you of that other person, how long you've journeyed and explored together. We have to remember that we learn and become better by exploring the world around us. And to allow someone else to join your journey means that you've allowed to share you're vulnerable self, your still incomplete self with someone else and let them hop in and join your journey together. That person automatically becomes a part of your innerself. He/she becomes a part of your transition. As much as the events that you go through are essential to hone you into a stronger person, that person you've included in your story is as important. In life we are presented with so much possibilities and choices. Each one of us are entitled to choose which choices we'd take and which to just sacrifice. We can't keep everyone who's been a part of our lives no matter how much we want to. As we go through life, we have to make certain choices to better ourselves but at the same time we have to sacrifice things or even PEOPLE to become a better person. so the people who you decide to journey along with, when we make choices we part ways with some of them who choose to tread a different route. Letting go is painful but it is also paves way to letting in someone new.
The feeling of missing someone is so strong that no matter how many bad memories you've shared it's the good that you will always try to remember the most. Why? because you loved the person. In love, there is no such thing ugly. You embrace everything you see in the person. You accept the good and the bad. The whole experience with that person is something you once wished would stay for good. You expected to much however it fell short. But you still cherish it because it wasn't just all ugly but it made you learn some of the most important lessons in life. It opened you up to things you never knew possible before. It introduced you to learnings you can never learn from anything else except with that person alone and the experience of being with him/her.
Lastly, I feel that missing a person is one of the feelings that makes us human. We miss because we long for someone that once made us feel whole. The memories we've shared with those people was the closest thing we can get to what's perfect which is simply impossible. That perfection that's intangible and undefinable yet something we know we all want so bad. It doesn't exist because if there was perfection, there won't be war and we'd all be CEOs. And if perfection existed life will be boring. There won't be any pain, happiness, excitement and missing anything or anyone. Experience will be limited and so are memories will be. Once perfection is attained, life will become useless. The flawed world and life we know is already enough to keep us going and experience different things keeping us busy searching for that "perfection" that we know we'll never find yet we won't stop looking for because through our search for that "perfection" we experience a different high, that feeling of happiness, regret, love, longing, success, failures that we share with the people we journey with and make memories with.
#NowListening to "I Throw My Hands Up" by Pixie Lott
While I was going through my tweeter feed, one tweet caught my attention. it says, "Why do we miss a person?"
Humans are emotional in nature. We naturally crave for affection and communication thus, human interaction is an integral part of our life. We cannot exist without forming what we call "relationships" with other people. Experiences are what makes up memories or the the moments in our lives- may be long or just fleeting- that has in someway created an impact in the way we view things. These are the moments that we go through in our daily undertaking. And for every experience, there are other people involved that helps weave the whole thing into a memory.
Life is a battle. We are constantly faced with everything ugly. And the beautiful, though it exists in our everyday existence, is not as visible as the negativity that we see and feel all the time. When people who are a part of our lives share with us beautiful memories, we tend to either do something to prolong that beautiful memory, hold on to it tightly or relive the feeling and experience like it's as if it's still happening. We do it because it makes us happy, it makes us feel good and most importantly it makes us feel that amidst all the ugliness in the world there is always something beautiful somewhere. As rare as it may be, we do realize that it does exist. Also, I think that it is an experience that once upon a time we thought was impossible and to see it unfolding before our eyes and experiencing it in our life is a GIFT.
When you miss a person it means that you have formed a bond that's beyond what you feel towards most of the people you know. He/she stands out from the rest because he/she has penetrated your innerself in a way that most people are not able to penetrate. That person becomes your comfort zone. Being around that person makes you feel complete, comforted and safe. You tend to forget about other things and just focus on the moment. You become blind from everything including the ugly which once was the most visible and most importantly it strangely made you feel numb and blind to all the negativity. So, when that person disappears you feel empty. Thus, you reminisce. Maybe because you believe that something as beautiful as how it's been is just temporary and what happened in the past may or will never happen again. It has reached it's expiration and all it is going to be is a beautiful memory. Though the person may come back but what "has been" will never be the same again. You may repeat that moment but the feeling will never be the same as the first time it's been. Probably it's because the first was unexpected, spontaneous and just plain honest. Whereas the second time is planned and is just an effort to relive what "has been".
Maybe you also miss a person because you had so much good and bad memories together and you know that even if you want to stay together fate tells otherwise. No matter how long life is, no matter how much memories you share and no matter how much you want it to last everything has its limits and what's saddening is we can't tell when.
Maybe it's because of too much moments and experiences you've shared together that when you part ways the whole world just suddenly reminds you of that other person, how long you've journeyed and explored together. We have to remember that we learn and become better by exploring the world around us. And to allow someone else to join your journey means that you've allowed to share you're vulnerable self, your still incomplete self with someone else and let them hop in and join your journey together. That person automatically becomes a part of your innerself. He/she becomes a part of your transition. As much as the events that you go through are essential to hone you into a stronger person, that person you've included in your story is as important. In life we are presented with so much possibilities and choices. Each one of us are entitled to choose which choices we'd take and which to just sacrifice. We can't keep everyone who's been a part of our lives no matter how much we want to. As we go through life, we have to make certain choices to better ourselves but at the same time we have to sacrifice things or even PEOPLE to become a better person. so the people who you decide to journey along with, when we make choices we part ways with some of them who choose to tread a different route. Letting go is painful but it is also paves way to letting in someone new.
The feeling of missing someone is so strong that no matter how many bad memories you've shared it's the good that you will always try to remember the most. Why? because you loved the person. In love, there is no such thing ugly. You embrace everything you see in the person. You accept the good and the bad. The whole experience with that person is something you once wished would stay for good. You expected to much however it fell short. But you still cherish it because it wasn't just all ugly but it made you learn some of the most important lessons in life. It opened you up to things you never knew possible before. It introduced you to learnings you can never learn from anything else except with that person alone and the experience of being with him/her.
Lastly, I feel that missing a person is one of the feelings that makes us human. We miss because we long for someone that once made us feel whole. The memories we've shared with those people was the closest thing we can get to what's perfect which is simply impossible. That perfection that's intangible and undefinable yet something we know we all want so bad. It doesn't exist because if there was perfection, there won't be war and we'd all be CEOs. And if perfection existed life will be boring. There won't be any pain, happiness, excitement and missing anything or anyone. Experience will be limited and so are memories will be. Once perfection is attained, life will become useless. The flawed world and life we know is already enough to keep us going and experience different things keeping us busy searching for that "perfection" that we know we'll never find yet we won't stop looking for because through our search for that "perfection" we experience a different high, that feeling of happiness, regret, love, longing, success, failures that we share with the people we journey with and make memories with.
#NowListening to "I Throw My Hands Up" by Pixie Lott
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Something Borrowed/Blue
I love books. I am totally obsessed with them and I cannot imagine my life without them. Funny that when I was in grade school I even had to be forced to read books as reading just wasn't something I really enjoyed doing. I'd rather play outside from dusk til' dawn than get stuck inside the house reading a book Except for Harry Potter). But, everything shifted one summer when I decided to give reading another try. I got so hooked into reading that I can just sit the whole day and night and literally do nothing but read and listen to my ipod. it was the most heavenly and relaxing feeling in the world and I just looooooooooooooooooooove it. When I started reading again I remember that I vowed to one of my friends that I will never appreciate Chick lits. But now more than half of my book collection is composed of Chick lits and two of my most favorite authors are Sophie Kinsella and Emily Giffin.
When one of my college buddies recommended me to watch the movie trailer of "Something Borrowed" I was intrigued what it was all about as I've never heard about it before. So I watched the trailer on youtube. The next thing you know I am at Fullybooked searching for Emily Giffin's "Something Borrowed". I like reading the book first before watching its movie adaptation. I am a firm believer of the idea that the book is always better than its movie adaptation and I hate it when I watch the movie first and I end up not liking it. I'd automatically assume that the book's not worth reading anymore since the movie sucked. Everything just gets spoiled. It must be fate that while I was about to give up looking for "Something Borrowed" in the bookstore, a salesman approaches me and greets me. I was becoming hopeless so I finally asked him if they had a copy of "Something Borrowed". He gladly ushered me to the best seller's area and voala!!! They just released a new batch of "Something Borrowed" for display at the Best seller's section. I hesitated no more and bought a copy together with four more books.
I finished reading "Something Borrowed" around April 2011. This is by far the best chick lit I have ever read. Before, I would consider The Shopaholic series as my most favorite chick lit but when I read "Something Borrowed" I thought that it was not just any chicklit. Emily Giffin didn't write "Something Borrowed" just to satisfy the romantic hearts or the thirst of women for the so-called happily ever after. It was a book that's packed with so many realizations that led me to stop every once in a while and think through about what Rachel said about friendship or love (but I concentrated more on what she's say about friendship). The story delved deeper into the situations and characters than the usual chick lits. Reading this book made me feel like I was there with the characters and I was the invisible and unknown bestfriend of Rachel and Darcy. It made me feel nostalgic about my relationship with my closest friends. In some ways, I can relate to Darcy more than Rachel in terms of personality which is why I love this book. Though I am not 100% Darcy I have been a bit pushy, bossy and dependent to some of my closest friends before. They became my safety net as much as Rachel had been Darcy's safety net before their fall out.
Around May 2011, a close friend whom I met back in college and I met up. We've remained good friends even though we're far away from each other. We'd email each other every once in a while and she's been one of the few people I always console with about my most personal problems and vice versa. One of her gifts to me was Emily Giffin's "Something Blue". During that time she gave me this book, I was going through a tough time and I felt like I was on the brink of giving up. She told me that she gave me "Something Blue" because it was a story about true redemption, forgiveness and love. She thought it was a perfect book for me. Something I'd probably be able to relate to as the character also went through a rough patch and was trying to get back on track again. She didn't know what "Something Blue" was all about and that it was the book I have been wanting to buy. This afternoon, I finished reading "Something Blue" and I also finally watched--take note twice--this weekend, "Something Borrowed". I loved the movie as much as I loved the book and I hope that they push through with the movie adaptation of "Something Blue".
After finishing "Something Blue" today, I was overcome by this sad feeling that there's nothing more to read about Rachel and Darcy. All the more felt sad to know that the childhood friendship of Rachel and Darcy which was once so formidable was never going to come back after Dex and Darcy called off their wedding and Darcy found out that the law school buddies Dex and Rachel were having an affair. "Something Blue" was written through Darcy's perspective. After her disastrous breakup with Dex, discovery of Dex and Rachel's love affair, her pregnancy with Marcus' baby who was the total opposite of Dex and who later on, being a douche and doing what a douche does best, left the pregnant Darcy. Realizing that the world no longer revolve just around her, she flees from her luxurious New York life to London to start anew after begging Ethan, Rachel and her other childhood friend from Indiana, to let her stay with him for a few weeks. As she tries to start anew in London, she is able to finally see how she has lived her life back then and how much she took for granted the people who loved her and the life she had. As she veers away from the old-Darcy, she eventually finds comfort and true love in the company of Ethan. She saw how unrealistic she has led her life and at the same time how she was able to move on, heal her wounds and forgive.
I hate it everytime I finish reading a good book. I thought how sad it was that things will never going to be the same for Darcy and Rachel. After everything they've been through as friends or sisters even, love tore them apart for good. Though they were able to reconcile with each other it was clear that things were never going to be the same. It was also really sad that they both were not around for each other's wedding when they're promised to be by each other's side for that one special day of both their lives. After reading the book, I loved Darcy more than before. She may be self-absorbed and overly competitive but at least when she fell, she found a way to get back up and really made a huge effort to become a better person. I cannot blame her for hating on Rachel to death because Rachel was her bestfriend and was supposed to be the irreplaceable friend who will be there all the way and not cheat on you. But at the same time, what Darcy said was right. If Dex and her weren't really right for each other it would definitely not last. It wasn't because of what Rachel and Dex did, it was just because of the fact that Dex and her did not belong together just as she and Geoffrey did not belong. Rachel is irreplaceable to Darcy and so was Darcy to Rachel. Though they never expressed it vocally, it was clear. And despite the damage and the fact that things will never be the same again they still recognized the depth of the friendship they had. Lastly, I want to share this from Rachel's speech on Darcy and Ethan's wedding,
"Love and friendship. They are what make us who we are, and what can change us, if we let them."
When one of my college buddies recommended me to watch the movie trailer of "Something Borrowed" I was intrigued what it was all about as I've never heard about it before. So I watched the trailer on youtube. The next thing you know I am at Fullybooked searching for Emily Giffin's "Something Borrowed". I like reading the book first before watching its movie adaptation. I am a firm believer of the idea that the book is always better than its movie adaptation and I hate it when I watch the movie first and I end up not liking it. I'd automatically assume that the book's not worth reading anymore since the movie sucked. Everything just gets spoiled. It must be fate that while I was about to give up looking for "Something Borrowed" in the bookstore, a salesman approaches me and greets me. I was becoming hopeless so I finally asked him if they had a copy of "Something Borrowed". He gladly ushered me to the best seller's area and voala!!! They just released a new batch of "Something Borrowed" for display at the Best seller's section. I hesitated no more and bought a copy together with four more books.
I finished reading "Something Borrowed" around April 2011. This is by far the best chick lit I have ever read. Before, I would consider The Shopaholic series as my most favorite chick lit but when I read "Something Borrowed" I thought that it was not just any chicklit. Emily Giffin didn't write "Something Borrowed" just to satisfy the romantic hearts or the thirst of women for the so-called happily ever after. It was a book that's packed with so many realizations that led me to stop every once in a while and think through about what Rachel said about friendship or love (but I concentrated more on what she's say about friendship). The story delved deeper into the situations and characters than the usual chick lits. Reading this book made me feel like I was there with the characters and I was the invisible and unknown bestfriend of Rachel and Darcy. It made me feel nostalgic about my relationship with my closest friends. In some ways, I can relate to Darcy more than Rachel in terms of personality which is why I love this book. Though I am not 100% Darcy I have been a bit pushy, bossy and dependent to some of my closest friends before. They became my safety net as much as Rachel had been Darcy's safety net before their fall out.
Around May 2011, a close friend whom I met back in college and I met up. We've remained good friends even though we're far away from each other. We'd email each other every once in a while and she's been one of the few people I always console with about my most personal problems and vice versa. One of her gifts to me was Emily Giffin's "Something Blue". During that time she gave me this book, I was going through a tough time and I felt like I was on the brink of giving up. She told me that she gave me "Something Blue" because it was a story about true redemption, forgiveness and love. She thought it was a perfect book for me. Something I'd probably be able to relate to as the character also went through a rough patch and was trying to get back on track again. She didn't know what "Something Blue" was all about and that it was the book I have been wanting to buy. This afternoon, I finished reading "Something Blue" and I also finally watched--take note twice--this weekend, "Something Borrowed". I loved the movie as much as I loved the book and I hope that they push through with the movie adaptation of "Something Blue".
After finishing "Something Blue" today, I was overcome by this sad feeling that there's nothing more to read about Rachel and Darcy. All the more felt sad to know that the childhood friendship of Rachel and Darcy which was once so formidable was never going to come back after Dex and Darcy called off their wedding and Darcy found out that the law school buddies Dex and Rachel were having an affair. "Something Blue" was written through Darcy's perspective. After her disastrous breakup with Dex, discovery of Dex and Rachel's love affair, her pregnancy with Marcus' baby who was the total opposite of Dex and who later on, being a douche and doing what a douche does best, left the pregnant Darcy. Realizing that the world no longer revolve just around her, she flees from her luxurious New York life to London to start anew after begging Ethan, Rachel and her other childhood friend from Indiana, to let her stay with him for a few weeks. As she tries to start anew in London, she is able to finally see how she has lived her life back then and how much she took for granted the people who loved her and the life she had. As she veers away from the old-Darcy, she eventually finds comfort and true love in the company of Ethan. She saw how unrealistic she has led her life and at the same time how she was able to move on, heal her wounds and forgive.
I hate it everytime I finish reading a good book. I thought how sad it was that things will never going to be the same for Darcy and Rachel. After everything they've been through as friends or sisters even, love tore them apart for good. Though they were able to reconcile with each other it was clear that things were never going to be the same. It was also really sad that they both were not around for each other's wedding when they're promised to be by each other's side for that one special day of both their lives. After reading the book, I loved Darcy more than before. She may be self-absorbed and overly competitive but at least when she fell, she found a way to get back up and really made a huge effort to become a better person. I cannot blame her for hating on Rachel to death because Rachel was her bestfriend and was supposed to be the irreplaceable friend who will be there all the way and not cheat on you. But at the same time, what Darcy said was right. If Dex and her weren't really right for each other it would definitely not last. It wasn't because of what Rachel and Dex did, it was just because of the fact that Dex and her did not belong together just as she and Geoffrey did not belong. Rachel is irreplaceable to Darcy and so was Darcy to Rachel. Though they never expressed it vocally, it was clear. And despite the damage and the fact that things will never be the same again they still recognized the depth of the friendship they had. Lastly, I want to share this from Rachel's speech on Darcy and Ethan's wedding,
"Love and friendship. They are what make us who we are, and what can change us, if we let them."
*Now Listening to "The Longer I Run" by Peter Bradley Adams
Album: Something Borrowed OST
Album: Something Borrowed OST
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The B*tch Named Luck
Luck. The most loved word just next to words love and lust which ironically all starts with the letter 'L'. One of the most important realizations came to me just a few days ago. Luck is a traitor disguised as a good element.
Let's face it people are sucker for anything big and worth bragging about such as a lottery jackpot, academic honors, promotions or just about anything big. And as always before actions they rely on luck to pave the way to success for them. Call it pathetic but that's the reality. Humans are naturally materialistic and greedy people. We always want something more than what we really need and we thrive to achieve greater things and be bigger than everyone else. So when a big empty but convincing promise appears at our doorstep which promises a chance in glory we hurriedly bite on it like starving hounds even if chances to reach that glory is too slim with hundreds, thousands and sometimes millions others running after that chance. People would rather sit around and forget that the world continues to move forward once they rely on luck. However, these hungry hounds don't realize that the moment they chose to sit around and wait for their so called luck, they have just placed their stakes too high. Every moment they spent in waiting and sitting around were wasted time that they could have used to better themselves, their skills and explore other more realistic opportunities around them. Another minute of waiting could have been the minute when your boss, teacher or some capable person discovered your potentials and offered to help you find your way up. Too bad though because between the lines separating reality and fantasy people always choose to believe fantasy.
Most people get easily blinded by the idea of "chance". They spend the rest of the time dreaming about what they're going to do in the future with their "winnings" like it's a sure win for them. Acting ahead without doing anything to realistically attain it, a lot of us are guilty of that. Everyone's been there and even if we know that it's wrong, we just can't help but fall for it simply because that's what luck is all about. Personally, I believe that luck does not exist to motivate us to create our own desired results that, we can sit around plot our future plans with the "winnings" thinking that "luck" will do the rest of the work. Rather, luck exists to motivate us that even though we are in the midst of struggle or almost trapped in the sphere of impossibility, good things can still prevail. If only we believe that we can get through it all and work our way through it, we can. Luck is us. People don't just get lucky overnight. Everything is attained through sheer hard work, motivation and skills. A lot of times we see people we admire and envy because of how far they've gone in their lives. We often envy them of their luck in life when actually those glitters we see speaks of the fact that none of it would be possible if not for hard work and motivation. I think that people also tend to believe in the existence of luck because it helps them absorb as much positive energy as they can that too much of it makes them over dependent on luck. This in turn, makes them nothing but stubborn, miserable, frustrated and forever envious of other people's successes.
I hate saying or being told of "Good Luck" because I don't believe in good lucks. There's only hard work and a result. If you don't like the result, then you must find a way to improve it. Your life lies in your hands and yours alone but never in the idea of luck. If you see successful people don't hate on them, imitate them or better outperform them but never ever put your life on break for the sake of luck. Once you get to where you want to be through your own skills I'm sure the feeling and experience would definitely feel so priceless that not even the hundreds of millions of bucks of jackpot prize from the lottery can ever buy.
Now Listening to "Sweetest Thing" by U2.
Let's face it people are sucker for anything big and worth bragging about such as a lottery jackpot, academic honors, promotions or just about anything big. And as always before actions they rely on luck to pave the way to success for them. Call it pathetic but that's the reality. Humans are naturally materialistic and greedy people. We always want something more than what we really need and we thrive to achieve greater things and be bigger than everyone else. So when a big empty but convincing promise appears at our doorstep which promises a chance in glory we hurriedly bite on it like starving hounds even if chances to reach that glory is too slim with hundreds, thousands and sometimes millions others running after that chance. People would rather sit around and forget that the world continues to move forward once they rely on luck. However, these hungry hounds don't realize that the moment they chose to sit around and wait for their so called luck, they have just placed their stakes too high. Every moment they spent in waiting and sitting around were wasted time that they could have used to better themselves, their skills and explore other more realistic opportunities around them. Another minute of waiting could have been the minute when your boss, teacher or some capable person discovered your potentials and offered to help you find your way up. Too bad though because between the lines separating reality and fantasy people always choose to believe fantasy.
Most people get easily blinded by the idea of "chance". They spend the rest of the time dreaming about what they're going to do in the future with their "winnings" like it's a sure win for them. Acting ahead without doing anything to realistically attain it, a lot of us are guilty of that. Everyone's been there and even if we know that it's wrong, we just can't help but fall for it simply because that's what luck is all about. Personally, I believe that luck does not exist to motivate us to create our own desired results that, we can sit around plot our future plans with the "winnings" thinking that "luck" will do the rest of the work. Rather, luck exists to motivate us that even though we are in the midst of struggle or almost trapped in the sphere of impossibility, good things can still prevail. If only we believe that we can get through it all and work our way through it, we can. Luck is us. People don't just get lucky overnight. Everything is attained through sheer hard work, motivation and skills. A lot of times we see people we admire and envy because of how far they've gone in their lives. We often envy them of their luck in life when actually those glitters we see speaks of the fact that none of it would be possible if not for hard work and motivation. I think that people also tend to believe in the existence of luck because it helps them absorb as much positive energy as they can that too much of it makes them over dependent on luck. This in turn, makes them nothing but stubborn, miserable, frustrated and forever envious of other people's successes.
I hate saying or being told of "Good Luck" because I don't believe in good lucks. There's only hard work and a result. If you don't like the result, then you must find a way to improve it. Your life lies in your hands and yours alone but never in the idea of luck. If you see successful people don't hate on them, imitate them or better outperform them but never ever put your life on break for the sake of luck. Once you get to where you want to be through your own skills I'm sure the feeling and experience would definitely feel so priceless that not even the hundreds of millions of bucks of jackpot prize from the lottery can ever buy.
Now Listening to "Sweetest Thing" by U2.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
The Calm Before the Storm
I have been dying to start blogging again after a year of being in hiatus from the blogging world as I have been so overwhelmingly busy with my final year in college. Here I am sitting right now and my mind is totally blank. For the past few months I have told myself that as soon as I dive back into blogging my first entry must be something meaningful and would start at a positive note. I guess my original plan won’t push through as here I am thinking of something positive to blog about but this job-seeking dilemma’s been clouding my mind as it has always been since I finished school. Since there’s nothing really good to blog about I might as well just start blogging about my journey towards finding THE job.
I entered college with two definite goals. First, to excel academically. Second, to finish college with excellent grades and get a good job, a job that I will enjoy not just a job that I will immerse myself into for the years to come because I need to earn for a living. When I passed my entrance exams in the school I attended my first choice was AB Communication Arts. This is the field I enjoyed and I believe where I fit so I took it even against the will of my mother. My second choice on the other hand was BS Business Administration Major in Marketing. Honestly, at that time Marketing was merely a word to me. I only had a minuscule understanding of what Marketing was all about. I only chose Business Administration as my second course because I know this is what my mother wanted me to take. Also, this was pretty much one of the most popular courses parents wanted their children to take in college because employment under this field is faster and the demand they say is bigger in contrast to my first choice. When I got my entrance exam results, Lord and behold I was informed that I can take ANY course I want even those not included on my top two choices. I fleetingly considered BS Accountancy. I know the employment demand on this field is high and not many people would take this course as it is five years of math which is clearly a mental torture especially if you are not a diehard math fan. In the end I still chose AB Communication Arts and my mother finally gave in.
To some people especially to highly conservative and traditional parents my decision would appear absurd and totally a huge mistake. I have three reasons why I opted for my first choice. One, I chose AB Communication Arts because I knew this was my forte. Second, I cannot imagine taking another course that I do not like and dealing with it for the rest of my life. I thought, I’ve had enough dramas in my life. I’m living not only to earn money but to enjoy life. What is the purpose of the money you are earning if you’re miserable? Cliche as it may seem but it is true that money can’t buy happiness. Third, if ever I’ve made a mistake in choosing which course I should have taken, I put the blame on the Philippine educational system. I believe that many students take courses that initially attract them and realize later on that they’re not really cut out for it and end up shifting to another course. Such things happen due to the lack of information of the young people regarding different fields. Right now I’m starting to semi-believe that I may have made a mistake indeed in my choice of course. Back then I did not know that you can work in the field of Advertising or Marketing Communication even if you did not major in Advertising, Mass Communication or Communication. The thing they call brain drain happened. College graduates applied and took jobs that are totally different from the course they studied in college creating imbalance in the business field. This wouldn’t have happened if the people were well educated and given extensive information early on about the different fields they can possibly take on. Anyway, the thing is I could have easily picked Business Administration Major in Marketing but I decided to take what I really wanted and the field where I want to see myself in the following years to come.
In my entire four years in college more than half of it has been very glorious. So many opportunities that I did not expect to come came along. Due to my determination to turn my life around and start anew, I worked so hard to excel on my studies. Thankfully, my efforts paid off as I cannot imagine how much effort anymore to exert if I did not succeed in excelling academically. Good thing, after three semesters of sweat and tears, I finally made it to the Dean’s List and I enjoyed that sweet victory and title for three more semesters. I never faltered and went nowhere but forward and up. Eventually I found myself finally being recognized by people around but still made sure that I kept firm on the ground. I am going to lie if I said that I did not enjoy the attention of course I did. With it came along a surge of pressure from people which I had to carry along until the end. It was hard but between the life I led back in high school and in college I’d stick to my college life. Everything seemed perfect to me. I hear a lot of people say that high school is the best part of their lives. For me my high school was my college life. It’s the highlight of my life. This is the time where I learned how far I can go and this is where I became aware of the real world around me. This time of my life marked the point where I can say I have changed and matured. It was in college where I got a chance to live away from my own comfort zone—my family, helpers and home. For almost a year, I lived in a dorm which allowed me to play by my own rules. It was exciting because finally I get to taste freedom but at the same time it was also scary as this situation just happened to me without any notice or hint. The moment just came. One day, I am at home with everyone who I’ve lived with my whole life then the next day there I was in my own bed in a room with two roommates who are even three years younger than I am. I was scared because I didn’t know what to expect to myself with the door of freedom wide open allowing as much temptations to come along. I was afraid I might mess up and ruin everything I’ve worked hard for for years or worse even ruin my life for good. I was careful not to do anything stupid but that does not mean I lived a totally boring life while in the dorm. I have to let loose every now and then. I know I deserve to have a little fun with all the stress final year brought upon me, I think it’s important to take a break once a while. I always make sure that I did my job well while I was in the dorm. I always think that I have to stay serious with my studies no matter what, I semi-succeeded on that part, yes, semi-succeeded because I wasn’t able to graduate with Honors which I still can’t get over until now especially when I found out that my average was only 0.0081 shy from the required average for Cum Laude.
The last semester of my college year was anything but bittersweet. There where some good moments but there were also some bad moments. It felt like every bad thing that could have happened to me for the first three years all just came along in my final year. My first three years have been generally smooth flowing. I guess all of the problems gathered themselves up together and exploded in my final year in college. It was such a frustrating year in terms of academics. Sometimes it felt like things just weren’t going the way it was supposed to go. So many wrong things kept on happening, one after the another. Though I made it through with really good grades, it wasn’t the grades I wanted. The biggest blow came just a few weeks before graduation. I had to deal with a problem in one of my major subjects which I never thought would ever happen to me as I have always been very strict when it comes to my studies. Whatever happened I still firmly believe that I deserved more than what I got. I know that it was because of this subject why I didn’t made the cut for the Latin Honors.
Now, time to move on. Finally, I have joined the bandwagon, fresh graduate on a hunt for her ideal job. After so many months of waiting for a job I have finally snagged it during the last week of June. So I did my medical exams during the first week of July and passed my requirements on the same week. The feeling was more comforting than happy actually. I’m happy that I finally have a job and that I no longer need to receive any naggings about job seeking from my forever impatient and control freak mother. All the excitement of job seeking has totally dissipated because of my mother’s OC tendencies and impatience. Every single day of waiting for a job offer felt like a thousand years for me. It was a mental and emotional torture to me. I always worry that my mother would nag at me again about job and about my course. Of course I had no choice but to listen to her ultimatums everytime. Most of her words were piercing but what can I do, she’s THE mother. As my mother always says, she is the law in this house and everything must go her way or its world war. I just really feel that I deserved better. If others made it through I should get through it smoothly myself given how much I have worked hard back in college.
Waiting is the worst feeling in the world. It’s so cruel and torturous because you never know what to expect and when. You just know something about it enough to get you through and feel comforted for a little while but clueless about what really lies ahead and the pain that it has brought along in between. Most of the time I feel like I have already reached the dead end of my life feeling like I don’t know anymore where to go if I don’t see the right path. I so badly want to push forward but I am lost in the agony of waiting. I am just hoping that all of these pains will be worth it and when this is all over good things will come ahead.
Waiting is the worst feeling in the world. It’s so cruel and torturous because you never know what to expect and when. You just know something about it enough to get you through and feel comforted for a little while but clueless about what really lies ahead and the pain that it has brought along in between. Most of the time I feel like I have already reached the dead end of my life feeling like I don’t know anymore where to go if I don’t see the right path. I so badly want to push forward but I am lost in the agony of waiting. I am just hoping that all of these pains will be worth it and when this is all over good things will come ahead.
Now Listening to "Elephant Love Medley" by Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman for Moulin Rouge OST
Kitchen Wonders
Japanese Omelete Rice with Tomatoes (Dosanko Cooking Recipe)
Creamy Mashed Potatoes
Spicy Cream Dory Fish Fillet in Lemon Butter Sauce
I was still a teenager the last time I stepped inside the kitchen to learn the art of cooking and to find out if I have a flair for cooking. However, that curiosity almost burned down our house. From then on, I've decided I do not belong in the kitchen. Now that I am 21, and due to some circumstances I've faced for the past year, here I am back in the kitchen trying my luck at cooking. The very first dish I prepared was Mashed Potatoes. It all started out due to my incessant craving for Mashed Potatoes. My biggest fear in cooking was preparing something inedible which would just lead to wasting the ingredients. Thankfully, my Mashed Potatoes turned out really well as I found myself eating it for two days straight. The next meal I prepared which unfortunately I wasn't able to capture a photo of was an Asian Recipe for tofu. I have always enjoyed eating tofu since I was a kid. So, for my next dish I found an Asian recipe that seemed really easy to do. The taste didn't turned out as how I wanted it to be. I blame it on the soy sauce I used. It wasn't an utter disaster but it wasn't what I wanted it to taste like and I'm pretty sure it wasn't supposed to taste that way as well. At first I thought that another Kitchen disaster would stop me from learning how to cook for good but I was wrong. Despite my not so successful follow up dish after the Mashed Potatoes I tried fish. I have never held raw meat for more than ten seconds ever in my entire life. I promised to myself that never will I touch raw meat because I just find it so disgusting. But then nobody learns how to cook without touching raw meat so for my third dish I decided to work on Spicy Fish Fillet in Lemon Butter Sauce. I believe this is my most successful dish as my mom and sister totally enjoyed it. it was only after cooking this recipe that I realized how much my cooking skills have improved. before I could barely touch fish now I'm fine marinating fish and cooking it on my own. This dish took me around 1 1/2 hours to finish. It was an arduous job but still worth doing. Then when I craved for Mashita's Kimchi Fried Rice that's simply to die for, I bought Kimchi and cooked Kimchi Fried Rice. Again, it was well loved by my mom and my sister that I cooked it twice. Then three days ago I prepared this dish called Japanese Omelet Rice with Tomatoes which I saw from a Japanese cooking show at AFC channel. it wasn't hard but it took me hours slicing carrots and onions into bits because I prefer them in bits than big slices. Anyway it turned out really well. Finally I can stop telling people that I can't cook and look ignorant when people talk about cooking.
I pride myself for learning how to cook without help from anyone but myself. One of the most essential things that a person has to learn before dying is to cook. As the cliche goes, food is the way to a man/woman's heart. It is the perfect expression of love and desire. Why? I believe because of the fact that Cooking is a skill that is developed through time. It's not something that you acquire easily. You have to have determination to learn to cook before you appreciate it. It is a tedious process as there are different flavors, and cooking techniques that has to be learned. Obviously time and patience are also two important keys in the learning process. This also answers the question why not all people can cook. I believe that food is the ultimate form of romance because before it turns into a dish, it undergoes so many processes. Initially, it is nothing but a combination or raw ingredients. it is through the skills of the person that these raw products are turned into something edible...something special. The mere idea of putting so much effort into preparing a dish for a person is enough already as a reason why a dish prepared for someone is special. This is not something that everyone can or will do. People are naturally in love with food and it is something that we can never say no to. It binds friendships, families, lovers and even enemies. A dish is a perfect comparison to relationships. We don't meet people and right away say that we click with them. Building relationships takes time as cooking takes time to learn. We get to know people first and their roles in our lives just like how we familiarize ourselves with different flavors and cooking techniques. From there, we begin to establish relationships with these people just like how we start to finally prepare dishes as soon as we learn the flavors and techniques. I guess this is why food is very close to our hearts. It tells our story.
More dishes to be served soon...
Now Listening to: "Strange" by Tokio Hotel Feat. Kerli
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