Blurred Lines

I've been been unbelievably busy this past week like never before since I started working. The past week also brought me to a few highly important thoughts that since then wouldn't get off my mind. 

I am confused, totally lost & extremely miserable. Even before I finished school I already knew what I wanted and have built a set of goals I'd do and accomplish as a career person. In other words, my future was already set and I thought things would go perfectly like how it has always been when I was a student. I was that positive as a senior in college and a fresh grad. I thought that I wouldn't have to worry about work anymore despite the economic meltdown because with my excellent grades, I will snag my dream job right away. I knew I was a hardworker so things will go by just fine. But everything didn't turn out the way as planned. Perhaps I have been too assuming and positive, maybe too pressured to get a job right away? Maybe I lacked the motivation? Maybe I got too complacent that I'd easily get a job so I just allowed time to pass me by? I don't know. 

I have this habit of setting goals and making sure that I get it. Most of the time, I make it. But this time, it seems that the stars are not aligned with me. Change is quite unsettling. They say we have to embrace change. It's always good to see a different perspective. That's how we all grow. But to me, change is not always good. This sudden change that I have to deal with now came too soon and I just find everything about it so wrong. One moment I was totally enjoying what I'm doing then the next here I am dreading every second of having to face the reality and doing something that I know I am not good at and not equipped well enough with the kind of skills that this new change requires from me.  It saddens me because I want to be the best possible in everything that I do but how can I do well when what I have is not enough for it? I hate failure but when it comes chasing after you it means you just have to face that bitter reality.

I have never loved and savored every single moment of being home and away from what I do in the outside world. I've never felt so ecstatic before of the thought that I can finally go home. Those few hours of sleep during the weekdays are so precious to me. I have never appreciated the smallest things in life ever than now. People say that when you're feeling so miserable in what you do and it's beginning to stray you away from all the other things that makes you happy then it's time to move on. Does this mean it's time to go? Or am I just trying to be a runaway because I'm scared to face a challenge or a failure? Or that maybe I don't like being thrown into the unknown grounds so I'm running away? 

I am confused. I am extremely sad with how things have turned for me but I don't want to make a mistake of taking the wrong decision. To go or to stay. It's not the job itself that depresses me, it's how things are handled which in turn makes the whole job a limbo in itself. I don't want to get stuck in that limbo if I know I have a choice. But I also don't want to go and think that my decision of leaving means I'm running away from an area I'm unfamiliar with, a place that makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to feel like I can't dive in and brave the challenges because I know that despite my successes in school I knew I failed in a lot of other things too because I ran away from them once upon a time. I want to get rid of that part of me that's why I'm confused right now. I know that I cannot succeed without falling. But I don't know if this is something that's worth falling for either. I am confused but most of all I am very depressed and worried of what lies ahead for me. Which should I pick?

Teditorial: Destructive Destruction

I am a huge fan of Teddy Locsin Jr.’s teditorial entries and I am sharing one really good entry he wrote recently. It’s a shame that not much people read his blogs yet when you click on showbiz articles and scroll at the comments section it’s brewing with thousands of nonsense ramblings. Please!!!
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Good news! A new book on economics cites the Philippines as finally poised to breakout of age-old stagnation, thanks to the hope generated by reforms promised by Noynoy Aquino. The bad news is that the book mistakes Noynoy as promising to destroy the biggest Filipino conglomerates. I won’t mention their names because they advertise.

But the book is called, ‘Breakout Nations: In Pursuit of the Next Economic Miracles’ by Ruchir Sharma. And I quote, “Mexico is not the only emerging market dominated and crippled by oligopolists, the Philippines provides another clear example of the oligopoly paralysis.” “But in the Philippines,” says Sharma, “I can see a roadmap for change with the arrival of a president bent on reform.” Well, he seems to be the only one who has seen this road map.

And the Philippines, says Sharma will have an easier time of it because its per capita income is only 1/4 that of Mexico. Now why that is a plus is beyond me, unless he means that because we are so poor, we will look so progressive, just getting a little less poor. Never mind. Sharma does not seriously consider we will ever get rich because he imposes some pretty tough conditions.

I mention this book so its exhilarating message of hope is not used to mislead us about our real prospects and our real condition. And because Sharma thinks Noynoy’s reforms are economic, when they are only political. If you can call them reforms, since he just destroyed a key institution of progressive, open government: an independent supreme court. Our Supreme Court is now like Argentina’s —- a servant of the executive.

Sharma’s book aims to explode the myth of emerging nations like China, India, Russia and Brazil, along with Turkey and Indonesia. It is only the last two that have real potential. The others will soon pop like bubbles out of bigness.

Sharma says that concentrations of wealth are (this is my metaphor) giant masses that generate too strong gravity fields that distort sustainable development. These giants must be broken up, he says. Its owners must be taken down from the fortune lists of the top ten to the bottom, or their economies are doomed to stagnate. Sharma believes in Schumpeter’s creative destruction as the best recipe for economic growth.
The reform that counts is not political but economic, Sharma says. Break the big and you break their stranglehold on politics which keeps them big and able to stop or delay creative destruction.
Now this sounds great, except we see no connection to Philippine reality where the rich buy politicians, not to get big or to stay big, but to keep away from them and to keep politics out of economics.
Keep well.

———
I agree with what Teddy Locsin Jr. said about the destruction of the judiciary system in the Philippines. I am not a pro-GMA or Pro-CJ Corona but as a president you are supposed to stay on the neutral side at all times. Every individual has the right to remain innocent until convicted.  What really irks me about the whole CJ Corona dramarama are not the walk-outs or endless tirades of senators during the trials but with PNOY’s insistent cry every single day to the media and the whole nation accusing CJ Corona a corrupt official when there wasn’t even any verdict yet. The Philippine laws exist not only to be lived by all Filipinos but also to judge whether one is guilty or innocent. Unless a verdict has been made, nobody has the right to be called a criminal and guilty. PNOY failed here BIG TIME.

Just because CJ Corona was a midnight appointee of his archnemesis CGMA, we can’t easily assume that he’s EXACTLY like CGMA. We can never tell if CJ Corona followed exactly the same principles as that of CGMA. Yes there are a hell lot of inconsistencies in the records of CJ Corona but we can never tell if he really did cheated or not. We don’t know what goes on behind what we all see. Just because PNOY is a “reformist” doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not capable of doing wrong things. We can never tell that for sure until we see it for ourselves. Unfortunately though, these people in the office are not stupid enough to let all the wrong things slip from their hands. I was thinking what if, just WHAT IF by any chance though we really have no ways of finding out, what if CJ Corona really was innocent? This man once upon a time held one of the highest political post. Of course we can never tell that unless magic happens and we all get to see what really goes or went on behind the big picture.  What if during that event, we find out that CJ was indeed innocent? Remember, just because the law says one’s guilty doesn’t always mean that the person IS GUILTY. Many innocent people go behind prison bars just because they didn’t have a good lawyer who can defend them against someone whose more powerful. What if CJ Corona really was telling the truth?
I think that the whole negative view towards CJ Corona was only fueled by tons of previous unsolved corruption cases done by various public officials whom we all once trusted wholeheartedly. CJ Corona was more unfortunate than the other accused politicians as he had to carry the weight of all the anger of the nation from CGMA just because he once served CGMA and was appointed by CGMA. Just because he was once a part of her adminstration, we already assume right away that he’s just as corrupt at her. We go on judging him right away as guilty even though we haven’t even gotten to the end of the trial. It’s the feelings that outweighs reason. This is what has become most of us due to years of living being lied to by the people who were supposed to “serve” us. CJ Corona was a Supreme Court Chief Justice and to be honest, he deserved a trial fueled by reason and not by emotion. In a way, CJ Corona too has become somewhat a victim of our own ruined judicial/political system. 

Indie

It's these small things such as sharing good music that makes you thank God for giving you such great friends who take their time to actually sit down and put together a good indie playlist for you. Thank you Ali you're the best!!!

Musings

I got this photo two years ago from Tumblr unfortunately though I can’t remember to whom I got this from. Anyway, I really like this thought alot.

Life is too short. Don’t was your time skipping on things you want to do just because you think you can’t, your scared or you think it’s impossible to be attained. It’s better to try it even if you fail later on at least you know you did something about it. The most painful thing in the world is to regret, to wonder one day what if you could have done things you wanted to do when you still can but chose not to. You will never find out what your life would have turned out to be if you have done what you wish you did back then so don’t let it happen to your life. Do what you want to do while you can. Life experiences can’t be reversed. Stop overthinking about things and just go with the flow.

Diva

Yep. That's me.

When I was a kid I remember singing my heart out in the shower to Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, NSYNC, Backstret Boys and Michelle Branch hits. I probably have the worst singing voice in the world yet I sing like its as if I have the world most beautiful vocals. I can just imagine how my nanny felt every single day that she had to accompany me day and night in the bathroom and watch me perform in front of my non-existent audience.

Back in the days, I was too scared to shower all by myself because I feel that someone's going to kill me or a white lady is going to appear right in front of me while I'm alone. Thus, I always tag along my nanny with me to the shower and let her wait until I finish. Everytime she leaves me while I'm still taking a shower I'd literally rush out naked, chase her and force her back to the bathroom and wait for me to finish before anything else. I have no regards to other people's needs when it's my shower time, my nanny is mine no matter what. I even remember throwing a fit at my nanny everytime she leaves me without telling me while I'm taking a shower. I always need to make sure that even though the shower curtain is closed, my nanny is just right there. That was the spoiled brat kiddie me but of course things are very different now. Thinking about it now, I really pity the nannies I had for subjecting them to the agony of having to hear me every single night and day sing while taking a shower. What a heartless kid I was gosh.

Starbucks Happy Hour

So there’s Starbucks Happy Hour today from 2pm-6pm and all Frappuchinos are 50%OFF on all sizes. Filipinos being Starbucks-obsessed people rushed all the way to Starbucks branches for that 50%OFF. I am not really so much into Starbucks and I barely even go there because I just think that it’s unreasonable to throw a hundred bucks on coffee when I can conveniently get free coffee which is equally tasty and has same effect in our office. Sometimes I think that people only drink Starbucks beverages to show off to everyone that they can afford Starbucks drinks and because they think that if you drink Starbucks drinks you’re cool. That’s just silly.

So it was 50%OFF and you don’t get that alot in Starbucks. Since I am such a cheapskate and that Starbucks is still…Starbucks, it won’t hurt to get yourself a little treat every now and then especially if it comes in 50%OFF or better if it comes for FREE. I love anything FREE to be more specific but of course FREE is never going to happen in Starbucks so might as well just be happy for that 50%OFF. If you’re a sane person you wouldn’t bother falling in line with the rest of the people and taking advantage of that 50%OFF. I mean that’s a long line that actually goes spiraling around the store and extending until outside. It’s all the more a crazy idea to actually really fall in line there during work hours. If you’re in your right mind, you wouldn’t do that. Obviously, I am not in my right mind because I actually spent an hour and a half in the line just for a Venti Green Tea Frapp. Two of my co-workers and I got so hooked with the 50%OFF and we just lost our minds like that. I think more than Starbucks, it was really just the 50%OFF itself that got us. Oh and did I mention, I am still quite sick yet there I was sipping on a Venti Green Tea Frapp. I ordered Green Tea because I thought that even though it’s a cold drink that’s 60% crushed ice and 40% flavoring the mere fact that it’s Green Tea makes me feel that it’s still healthy somehow. So the 50%OFF made me into a big fat liar to myself. I just hate myself sometimes.

The Maine Live in Manila (Pioneer World Tour)

Can I just say, I am 22 and never have I thought that I’d ever act like a total fangirl. EVER. But The Maine Live in Manila happened.

I have never watched a concert before so I don’t really have any inkling what goes on in concerts. I just feel that spending heaps amount of money for a certain artist’s concert whom you just like but not love enough is not worth it. I promised myself that if ever I will watch a concert I will only settle for the VIP section and that it has to be an artist/band that is really special to me. Last year, when The Maine came over to Manila for Liv3. My friend and I decided we’d come even though it was finals week. We were on our final year in college so exams were earlier than usual. Unfortunately though, exam schedule was the exact week of the Liv3 shows. Nonetheless, despite being studious, it was The Maine were’re talking about here so we’ll just have to sacrifice sleep for our finals to watch The Maine. Everything’s planned already until we got our thesis draft. Our final thesis defense was already fast approaching and we have to do the final edits of our thesis. So, goodbye The Maine. It’s been pretty much a shitty week since I haven’t been sleeping enough or at all during the finals week and what makes everything worse is that my friend and I had to let go of the opportunity to watch The Maine.

I first discovered The Maine around 2007 when I was just 17 in Myspace while I was searching for Boys Like Girls. I stumbled upon Kennedy and John’s personal Myspace page. It was really their good looks that drew me in to them at first then when I checked their profile I found out that they were a part of the band The Maine. So I checked out the band’s Myspace profile and songs and thought that they’re good!!! I have become a fangirl of this band since then. I only get to watch and listen to The Maine via Myspace then eventually I turned to YouTube to satisfy my The Maine fixation. Since 17 I was only depending on the internet to watch The Maine’s performances abroad hoping that one day they come over and perform. That time I thought it was never going to happen. The Maine is not a huge act and thinking about it breaks my heart because I really want to see them perform live badly. Then, came Liv3. When I first heard that they were coming over, I was so ecstatic but in the end I was not able to go and for the entire week I cannot get over the fact that everyone’s out there watching the band and I’m right here sitting in the pantry of our dorm editing my thesis and preparing for my finals. It was such a bad time!!!

Around early February 2012 I checked out The Maine updates and found out that they were coming back for a solo concert. I can’t express how happy I was to find out that they were coming over. Good thing I’m now working and earning my own dough which means I can buy my own concert ticket. I knew right away that I had to get a Platinum ticket. It may cost alot but I don’t mind. It’s The Maine and I have been waiting for so long to see them live. So Fatima (the same friend I was referring to in the Liv3 story)  and I bought concert tickets right away thankfully it wasn’t sold out yet when we reserved tickets. A few days after we got the tickets, Platinum was already sold out. Whew Thank you God we made it this time without any unnecessary problemos.

A few weeks before the concert, Fatima slipped and broke one of her toes in her left foot so she had to go to the concert with a cast and a crutch. On the other hand, I was wearing ultra high heels that everyone disagreed with when I told them I’ve made up my mind that it was what I am going to wear to the show. I don’t want anyone to block my view. I know it’ll be hard to get to the front row so even if that was the goal I had to have a back-up plan thus, the high heels. I have to be taller than everyone so even if I have to wait in line for hours in high heels, I am more than willing to do so.

For weeks, I was so giddy for the show. Every morning I’d check Twitter and Tumblr for The Maine show updates. I have never been so excited to wake up so early in the morning on a weekday during that time. Come concert day, Fatima and I arrived at around twelve something in the afternoon and my goodness there was already a line!!! We didn’t want to take the risk of going somewhere else first before falling in line thinking it’s still too early so we joined the line. Fatima had to go to the comfort room in the late afternoon which left me alone in the line. The Pulp royalties were already inside for their Meet and Greet and Soundcheck Party so the security already divided the people by their sections. I was starting to worry about Fatima until I saw her right in the front most part of the long line waiving at me. At first I thought “What the hell is she doing there in front waiving at me?” I decided to leave the line when I realized she was calling me to come over to the front. I found out that a bouncer saw her struggling and let her stay in the front away from the line to wait for her safety. So basically, the whole time, the two of us were waiting literally outside the line. Just me and Fatima. That injury caused her so much hell for the past few weeks but has suddenly become a blessing that day. The organizers noticed her condition and initially told her to just seat on the bleachers so she’d be safe since the Platinum area is so jampacked and it’ll be dangerous for her to join the pack there. Obviously, she did not want to trade in her Platinum ticket for her safety and said that she can survive the mosh pit. We had to sign a waiver that whatever happens to her the organizer will not be liable. Both of us were not expecting to get any special treatment and that letting us stay outside the line was the final stretch. We just waited patiently to be instructed on when we can finally start going in to the venue.
The organizers were more than caring to all of the people in line which is great. For me a good show organizer is not someone who can bring in a great artist who can put on a really good show. A good organizer is someone who can assure every attendee that it’ll be fun, exciting, safe and can make everyone feel like they’re a one big happy family. While waiting, one of the organizers decided to talk to us and ask which band we want to see next. Phoenix, Two Door Cinema Club, Parachute, Marina and The Diamonds, Matt & Kim and the list goes on. This guy loved our suggestions and said that we have such great taste in music. Throughout the entire day of being surrounded by super hyper teenagers, it felt good to be able to talk to an adult even just for a short while.

When the staffs were already preparing everyone to enter the venue, one of the organizers (the one in red shirt and brown pants) approached Fatima and I and asked us to move beside the Platinum section’s entrance. We were so shocked when we were the first ones to be permitted to enter the venue. I had to support Fatima since she was still having quite a hard time walking. I don’t know what to feel, if I should be excited that we got in first or to feel conscious because everyone was literally looking at both of us while we were on our way inside the venue.

Itchyworms opened the concert. It’s been a while the last time I saw them and they remain really good except that the audio sucked. Seems that The Maine loved them too especially Pat. When The Maine came out all I can think about was “Oh my gosh this is surreal!!! I never thought I’d see these guys in flesh”. Can I just say, they all look really fine. It’s really nice to see them so overwhelmed with the massive response of the audience to their show. This is the first concert I have ever attended but I can easily say that this is probably going to be the best too. The show was pretty intimate in a way. I’d rather come to a show that has a smaller venue because in that way you get to be more closer to the artist. You don’t go to a concert, pay a ticket worth a thousand bucks to see an artist perform live ant-sized. If that’s the case I’d rather choose Youtube instead.

Of so many live performances of The Maine that I’ve seen on YouTube their performance in the Manila leg was one of the best. To be honest, I wasn’t event expecting too much from John Ohhh because I’ve seen alot of live performance videos wherein his performance is just lacking. But this time it was anything but perfect.  The band was really caring too. I can’t even count anymore how many water bottles he threw to the crowd who were all begging for water. The whole venue was jampacked and everyone’s sweating from all the singing and jumping it was so humid yet everybody was still having so much fun.

The concert ran for two hours and the band performed nineteen songs from their various albums yet it felt like the show was too short. The audience kept shouting “More More More…” after the band left the stage. It was a show worth all the pain at least for the front row people who had to suffer the most after the people from the back kept pushing and pushing like it’s as if their pushing will take them to the front.
Some of the highlights of the entire show for me would probably be when the band sang “While Listening to Rock & Roll”, their addictive semi-ballad ‘Into Your Arms” of which the whole crowd went crazy when the band performed it, “Misery” the first single from their latest album, Pioneer. Not only did “Misery” send the crowd screaming of excitement but the whole performance turned out to be really flawless. Simply one of the performances in the concert that stood out. Then who can forget the very first live performance of the Pioneer B-Side “Take Me Dancing”? John Ohh nailed it! Plus the soft lighting during this song made the performance more dramatic which drove lots of fans to tears. Lastly, the finale song which is “Don’t Give Up On Us”. People were just going crazy singing along with probably the most popular song of the band yet. I was so impressed with the whole crowd who all sang their hearts out from the beginning to the finale. Not even one moment did the energy fell a bit. The fans were all squealing of excitement all throughout the set. You can really see that The Maine was at awe and more than thankful the entire time.

I say, after this concert I don’t regret a bit spending a hefty amount of money for this show. It was worth it. I don’t think I’d ever get this kind of experience with any other artist who I’m going to watch ever again. After the show, my love and loyalty to The Maine just went a notch higher. I love this guys not because they are good-looking-well, when I was younger maybe- but because I’ve seen them grow as individuals through the years and saw how much they have improved artistically but remain grounded. Next year, I am fervently hoping that they come back and do another show in Manila and I’ll make sure I’ll be one of those people in the front row again just like in their Pioneer show this year.

*04/01/12 entry

Fueled By Gossip

Once upon a time I was extremely bored and I found Fueled by Gossip. Actually, I’ve seen this site before but never bothered to look through it because I thought most of the things people say there are pointless or just plain lies so I’d rather look for some other sites to kill time. Then just recently, a friend told me things she read about The Maine hooking up on tours and practically just living the rockstar kind of life at Fueled by Gossip (other bands included). I still didn’t care at all because I’m not that interested in those kinds of things. I’m 22 and when you’re at that age you don’t go dwelling on things written at Fueled by Gossip or just Fueled by Gossip in general. For all I care about whatever The Maine or other indie band people do when on tour for me, all I care about is their music and that they continue making music. All the more when I have a ton of deadlines to meet at work Fueled by Gossip does not deserve even a minuscule amount of attention from me. But then a few days ago I got so bored and ended up checking out Fueled by Gossip.
I can clearly see how popular this site has been. There’s Fueled by Gossip and then there’s Fueled by Gossip V2.0. Gossip has never entertained me this much before. But I was so bored that I ended up reading stuffs at Fueled by Gossip. I was surprised to find myself really drawn to all the entries. I was so entertained, flustered at some stories I read especially the hook-up stories and I just really enjoyed reading a lot of threads plus it made me realize some things I didn’t saw clearly before. I can’t believe Americans can be so bad at spelling and grammars at times. I just don’t understand it at all. I mean English is THEIR language and some of the grammars…I was just so shocked. I never expected to read something so grammatically wrong there. Then there are replies that’ll make me pause for a while and say “WHAT!?” and lot of them use too many loooooooooonnnnnnnnggggggg abbreviations and I’d just stop reading and try to decipher what those abbreviations mean.

I’m pretty sure that most of the people running and posting in that community are teenagers. Everything screams “DRAMA!!!” but I still continue to read. I super love The Maine so I keep reading threads about them. Even at work, once I arrive in the office the first thing I’m do is open fueled by gossip and read. It’s so addicting and it just makes my day a tad better and less stressful. It’s like going back to high school except that it’s online and I’m just right there as spectator while everyone bicker, insult others, proclaim how proud they are to have hooked up with this or that band member, report on the latest hook-ups, fights, groupies flirting band members and band members flirting back, scene queens (I had no idea what this was about until I read about a certain Jac Vaneck? Nicole Buckley? who they dub as a scene queen,slut,hoe,bitch,stuck up ugly ass b*tch and the list goes on) I can’t remember how many swears and insults I read per page especially when the name of those girls are mentioned. I have never heard of her before until I started reading entries at Fueled by Gossip. Then I got to read wild Warped Tour stories about bands I’ve never heard before, Artist Vs. Poets, Family Force 5(?)… stories about how sweet, sexy, adorable, gorgeous, irresistibly hot this or that vocalist, guitarist and etc. A lot of times they’d name band members from various bands and I’d have no idea who these guys are. I only know a few members from some bands that I listen to but mostly I have no idea what their names are except for a few bands of course like The Maine which I’ve been listening to since 07 so I know the name of all the members. I’m actually very impressed how these kids know so much personal stuffs about band members. I have been listening to The Maine since I was 17 and I have no idea how many sibling they have or if they have any siblings at all or how they got into this kind of stupid accident or who’s dating and who’s single, names of their current gfs or exes. It’s crazy how some people know so many things about band guys even if they don’t really know the band dudes personally.

Reading that blog has made me understand more how groupies do their thing. I’m not sure how much of what I’ve read are true or make up stories but it definitely showed me a picture of what it’s like to be involved in the indie scene and lives of groupies. I really don’t understand how those people (Groupies) could do whatever they want with their lives. After reading stories about them I always think of how they can easily just do those things or how they can easily go from one state to another and one show to another as teenagers I mean where the hell are their parents!? Don’t their parents wonder what their kids are doing? Then there’s a long list of threads about tours with like hundreds of replies everyone updating each other of what went down on this date or on this or that venue during bamboozle or warped or some tour. Who were the popular groupies/fangirl sluts that were there and who went home with who, people who saw this or that band guy flirting with this fangirl who’s always seen in so many shows. Then these kids go around myspace, twitter, tumblr or facebook exercising their expert stalking skills and posting links of profile pages of those fan girls or groupies they’re talking about. There’s a lot of bullying, lying, kiss and tells and every crazy thing imaginable. Sometimes when there’s this whole thread talking about a particular fangirl that everybody hates all of a sudden some anon would claim that she’s a friend of the one being talked about and go all out defending that girl or sometimes they’d claim that they’re one of those being talked about and would go defend themselves then all the others would keep lolling about those people and tell them to get lost. Funny but at the same time it made me realize how extreme these kids are considering they’re just teenagers. I have NEVER met anyone that extreme ever even in my school or just anywhere. Nobody’s gotten to that level wherein they’d squeeze as much hate and insult they can muster towards a certain person they barely even know and ride on with the rest who hates that person and tell the whole world how disgusting that person they hate is. They’d go all out. Just unbelievable. Even when I was a teenager it never crossed my mind that a teenager is capable of crushing someone else’s life this bad. Also, I can’t imagine how some kids are just so mean to the core even if they don’t know the whole story or if the tales are even real.

I read A LOT of stories about so many bands I listen to. A lot of stories especially about All Time Low, Cobra Starship and The Cab. Honestly there have been moments wherein I’d question whether what I’m reading is the truth or just a product of some desperate teenage imagination. But at the end of all my reading spree, once I’m off Fueled by Gossip I go back to reality and shrug off all the doubts and not bother thinking about what I’ve read. It’s really all just plainly for entertainment. Theo ne and only thread i really liked somehow is when the kids would tell their stories of how some band guys care so much about their fans by taking them to their car especially when it’s late in the evening or when bands go out in the pouring rain to sign autographs or take photos with fans or approach fans randomly and strike a friendly conversation with them. it’s nice to hear how some bands, despite their popularity still goes out and meets fans, talk to them and don’t act all cocky just because they’re going big time already. It was also kind of funny reading about how John O’s virginity is such a huge deal to everyone. They’d literally flood the forum with gazillions of replies telling everyone that John Ohh is virgin then someone else would say he’s not then some hook up stories will come up and the whole thing just can’t ever find its ending. Some posts can also be quite annoying especially some fans who would literally invent stories and defend themselves when they’re called liar even though it’s obvious that they just made it all up. Or when some die hard fan girl would blog endlessly of how she’s bffs with this band member when in reality she’s not. It’s really shocking how some young girls can invent such ridiculous things. I never thought it was possible. Not even once when I was a teenager or have I heard any of my friend when we were teenagers who were capable of doing something like this or has done something like this. It’s crayyyyy craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!! I’m so shocked reading things like this I wonder what more for the bands who are being talked about non-stop in this forum?

Some stories seem plausible and even if it concerned The Maine I am interested to know the details but at the end of it all I don’t care much at all. They are practically ordinary people who just happens to be in some band who are semi-popular but at the end of the day once they finish their shows, they go back to their normal lives. They make decisions just like everyone, work to earn money, hang out with their friends and have a little fun or go back home to their families. To the groupies out there who sleep with band dudes, I don’t understand why do share to the whole world that they slept with the vocalist of some bad ass indie band? Is it so necessary? Whatever I will never understand that as much as how it baffles me how other girls are willing to give up their lives to go spend full time on planning how to get their dream band dude.
For me, I’m just going to keep listening to music and care less about what these bands do with their lives. I love my life and happy enough listening to those bands’ music to care too much about getting noticed by the band members and being their FB one day.

*04/12 entry

Dear Die Hard Fangirls Who Flooded Me With Hate Tweets,

A few days ago my sister was telling me about this inside story that was being talked about on this tv-radio show that exact time about this certain local pop star’s parents who prefers her current big star suitor than the past celebrity suitor who the parents didn’t like. Turns out according to this showbiz popular reporter/writer that the parents prefer this current suitor than the past suitor because he looks neat, wears signature clothes and gives signature items as gifts. I tweeted something about this local pop star’s parents being a social climber for preferring the current suitor over the past suitor just because he wears signature items and the past suitor doesn’t. These people need to learn to look back to where they come from. What I said was bad but that’s my OPINION.

I believe that this local pop star is very talented and deserves all the blessings she’s been receiving but I just feel so bad for her for having such rude “fans” who thinks the world revolves around them and their idol and who will step on everyone who will say something bad about their idol. I opened my twitter last night and was greeted by a whole bunch of hate tweets from die hard fans of this local pop star.

The last time I checked the Philippines is a democratic country and everyone’s entitled to express their own opinions without being bashed by others. What annoys me more is that these fans think that people have to agree with them all the time. Hello news flash!!! Not all people think the same way you do and phulease who the hell spends the whole day tweeting celebrities!? These celebrities knows nothing about you except that you’re named @<username w/tons of numbers insert here> and that you’re just one of those die hard fans who defends them against people who criticize them. Respect your opinions!? You were the ones who responded to my tweet non-stop when it was supposed to be a conversation between two people only and now you’re telling me to respect other people’s opinions!? BTW, I don’t even know any of you!!! I have never lashed on anyone before just because his/her belief is contrary to mine. All the more if it concerns stupid showbiz dramas. I know respect and you clearly don’t. Another thing, double check my sources? Oh come on, there are more important things to do than that and what’s the big deal hat’s what I heard from a showbiz writer/reporter who works closely with celebrities 24/7. I am smart enough to know that not everything these people say are true but then, why would I bother double checking what I heard from some showbiz writer/reporter? Why waste my time on such inconsequential matters such as showbiz dramas? Showbiz is one thing that need not to be taken seriously. It exists for mere entertainment. In fact, that’s what most celebrities want anyway. DRAMA AND MORE DRAMA. They’d rather be talked about than be ignored.

If you think that you’re purpose/true calling is to be a hopeless slave for these idols who btw barely even cares about your daily welfare go ahead I don’t care at all but please put in mind that just because you think that you’re idol is a god and that he/she is the best among the rest, there are millions of others in the world who thinks differently and tell you what, that’s what life is all about. Whenever I see negative tweets or criticisms about personalities I like, I never barrage them with tons of hate tweets because I know better. I know at least that we are all entitled to our own opinions and that we should all respect each other’s views on things. No person can please the whole world no matter how beautiful, nice or talented he/she is. That’s real world for you.

PS. Also, next time, if you’re going to tweet me make sure not to use ridiculous spelling shortcuts. If you find it so hard to tweet by properly spelling words, do yourself a favor and go back to school. Also, don’t you ever suspect that I’m a diehard fangirl of this other celebrity who you’re hating and who you think is competing with your idol. Not everyone lives and breathes just to end up a pathetic diehard fangirl. Lastly, no matter how much you tweet me don’t expect any replies from me because I am not going to stoop down to your level. You probably don’t know but everyone I know and I are laughing so much right now just reading all your tweets. You all made our day!!! LOL to all of you making yourselves a bunch of laughing stocks.


That’s it. I’m never talking about this again. Ever.


XOXO
TIFF


*4/12 entry

The Fault In Our Stars/Thing Thing About Books

I have just finished reading John Green’s “The Fault In Our Stars” last weekend and it gave me waterfalls. Nevertheless, it was a book worth reading. It centered around the lives of two characters, Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters. For me, this book allowed its readers to see through the inner workings of the mind of the people on the brink of death due to an incurable disease such as cancer. More than a love story between two hopeless teenage cancer victims, it was a story about life and how Hazel Grace and Augustus saw the world and life in general and living the most out of the limited time they’re given. It’s a really beautiful story that once I finished reading the book, it make me think of how precious life is. I thought to myself how lucky I am to have been born healthy and to have the opportunity to see the world in a way that a lot of people especially the likes of Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace can only dream about yet I chose to waste my time complaining, being ungrateful and selfish. If you have time, read it. You will definitely not regret reading The Fault in our Stars.

I love books so much. One of the things that I am most thankful about in life is the existence of books and creative minds of writers who create timeless tales. If there’s one thing I pride myself for, it’s my intense love for reading books. I know a lot of people who loathe reading and I’m just so glad that I’m not one of them. I cannot imagine life without books. Too bad that some people will never get to realize the extent and stretch of human imagination that comes in the form of novels. While I was reading The Fault In Our Stars, I saw the quote above about some books being too personal and special that it feels like it’s a betrayal to share that special book to the world. At first, I thought it was just me who feels that way in certain books I loved then, I saw that quote. I’m not crazy after all. Thinking about it, maybe there are some books that tells the stories that makes you happy and allows you to step into another sphere that’s just impossible to happen in reality  but is just too desirable that you have to show to everyone that that’s your ideal life. It gives you an temporary escape from the harsh real world. These are the books written without any deep purpose but to entertain the reader. It doesn’t mimic your story, it just shows your expectations about life that doesn’t always follow in reality. Then there are books that tells your story through a fictional character’s perspective. It doesn’t matter how mushy or dark the story is about. It touches a sensitive part in your life and you just feel that the book was tailor made for you. It becomes yours. It answers your questions about life or certain personal events which has affected you in a way that you may have successfully accomplished or may have failed to realize. You search for answers through the character and think, “What if I have dealt with it the same way as the character did?” or “What if I try to be THAT person?”. But even if the character succeeds or not in finding the answers to the forever unfathomable complexities of life, at the end of it, the weight of the world becomes lighter than before. Books are written to inspire and to find your story in a novel means you are fighting a battle worth all the pain and struggle. These are the books that you just don’t share to everyone. Remember what people say, that the more people know about something the less special that something becomes? There’s something mysteriously beautiful about something that’s not meant for everyone to see. If a certain book tells your story and it helps you get through life, it is definitely something you’d never want to get tired loving and holding on to so you just keep it to yourself.

Cheers to Being Single!!!

I DON’T KNOW IF I AM THE PROBLEM OR THE WORLD IS. WHENEVER I MEET NEW PEOPLE ONE OF THE VERY FIRST THINGS I AM ASKED ABOUT IS, “DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?” OR “HAVE YOU EVER HAD A BOYFRIEND?” AND I’D SAY “NO” OR “NEVER HAD ANY BEFORE.” AND THEY’D ALL BE SHOCKED AND END UP ASKING “WHY!?” THEN I’D START PONDERING ABOUT THE “WHY”. BEING EDUCATED FROM ELEMENTARY TO COLLEGE IN AN EXCLUSIVE SCHOOL FOR GIRLS, AT FIRST I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE PROBLEM WHY I NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. MY STRICT MOTHER IS ALSO A FACTOR. HOWEVER, COME TO THINK OF IT, I HAVE FRIENDS WHO HAD A BOYFRIEND OR ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP EVEN IF THEY ALSO ATTEND AN ALL-GIRL SCHOOL JUST LIKE ME. I CAN ALSO GET A BOYFRIEND WHILE STILL IN SCHOOL BACK THEN EVEN IF IT WAS AGAINST MY MOM. A LOT OF PEOPLE IN MY SCHOOL DID THAT. THEN, I REALIZED LATER ON THAT IT WAS A CHOICE.

I ALWAYS TELL PEOPLE WHO WONDER WHY I DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND OR NEVER HAD ANY IS THAT BECAUSE I AM HAPPY BEING SINGLE AND GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP ISN’T SOMETHING THAT I AM REALLY INTERESTED ABOUT. THERE’S SO MUCH MORE FUN THINGS TO DO IN THE WORLD THAN BEING “EXCLUSIVELY OWNED” BY SOMEONE. I AM ONLY 22 AND THERE ARE MANY THINGS TO DO IN LIFE YET. I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD, MEET DIFFERENT TYPES OF PEOPLE, DO EXTREME SPORTS, EMBARK ON SOME CRAZY ADVENTURE WITH RANDOM PEOPLE, CLIMB THE CORPORATE LADDER, EARN MY OWN MONEY AND SPEND IT ON THINGS THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY OR I LIKE. I WANT TO SEE HOW FAR LIFE CAN TAKE ME. I WANT TO FEEL FULFILLED AND SIMPLY BE HAPPY. 

THOUGH I MAY HAVE NEVER BEEN ON THE LOVE LANE BEFORE BUT LOOKING AT MY FRIENDS WHO HAVE BEEN OR ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW, I KNOW IT’S TOUGH WORK. I REMEMBER ONE OF MY CO-WORKERS SAID “LOVE IS A CAREER”. IF YOU WANT IT TO WORK, YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR 100% ON IT. IT IS NEVER DEFINED BY FATE. YOU ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WORKED FOR. IF THINGS ARE NOT GOING TOO WELL IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP EITHER YOU BOTH END IT OR DO SOMETHING TO MAKE IT WORK. YOU CAN’T SAY “I’LL JUST LEAVE IT TO FATE. IF WE’RE MEANT TO BE THEN THINGS WILL WORK OUT IF NOT THEN FINE.” IF YOU SETTLE WITH THAT KIND OF NOTION, YOU MIGHT JUST END UP WONDERING LATER WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN. AND YOU DON’T WANT THAT FOR SURE BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, YOU WILL NEVER SEE WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.

I AM NOT TOTALLY AGAINST BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP. IF IT’S GOING TO COME THEN I’LL ACCEPT IT. IF NOT, THEN SO BE IT. THE SINGLE WOMEN WHO ARE AT THEIR 30S IN THE COMPANY I AM CURRENTLY WORKING AT WOULD ALWAYS TELL ME NOT TO BE PICKY OR GIVE GUYS A CHANCE OR I AM GOING TO END UP LIKE THEM. SINGLE AND JUST RIGHT THERE WAITING AND WAITING SO BAD FOR MR. RIGHT TO COME ASAP SINCE TIME IS RUNNING OUT. I ADMIT THAT I AM PICKY BUT IF I AM GOING TO ENTER A RELATIONSHIP MY PARTNER WOULD BE SOMEONE WHO I KNOW I CAN STAND TO BE AROUND WITH FOR A LONG TIME. I CAN’T SETTLE FOR A MAN WHO’S GOOD-LOOKING BUT DUMB, JOBLESS, PLAYER OR TOO FULL OF HIMSELF. I WANT A MAN. 

HONESTLY, I AM NOT WORRIED TO GET OLD SINGLE. PEOPLE SAY IT’S NOT GOOD TO GROW OLD ALONE. YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO YOU CAN GROW OLD WITH. I AM NOT AFRAID. WELL, MAYBE LATER ON THE FEAR OF HAVING TO DO THINGS ON MY OWN WITH MY FRAIL BODY AT MY OLD AGE WILL COME BUT I HAVE TO BE READY EARLY ON TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING. PERHAPS I SHOULD START SAVING UP AS MUCH MONEY AS I CAN SO I CAN AFFORD TO HIRE PEOPLE TO DO THINGS FOR ME WHEN I’M OLD. TALKING ABOUT FORESIGHT. LOL TO THAT. WELL THE POINT IS, IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME AT ALL AT THIS POINT THAT I AM STILL SINGLE AND LITERALLY CLUELESS ABOUT LOVE. AS LONG AS I CAN GET THE MOST OUT OF LIFE AND FEEL TRULY HAPPY AND SATISFIED IN SUCH A WAY THAT I KNOW I HAVE LIVED A FRUITFUL SINGLE LIFE AND I AM READY TO EMBARK ON ANOTHER CHAPTER OF MY LIFE, THEN THAT’S THE TIME I WILL TALK ABOUT LOVE LIFE. FOR NOW I DON’T WANT TO TRAP MYSELF IN THE WORLD OF SILLY COUPLE FIGHTS. I DON’T WANT TO BOTHER MYSELF WITH SMALL MUSHY LOVE PROBLEMS. THERE’S A WONDERFUL WORLD OUT THERE WAITING TO BE DISCOVERED BEING OVERSHADOWED BY SOME MINOR AND NONSENSICAL LOVE ISSUES. I DON’T WANT TO MISS OUT THE BEAUTY THAT LIES OUT THERE. I AM ONLY YOUNG ONCE SO BETTER MAKE THE MOST OUT OF IT. LOVE CAN WAIT BUT THE WORLD AROUND YOU WILL NEVER DO. 

I CAN SAY THAT I AM SO HAPPY AND BLESSED LIVING A SINGLE WOMAN AT THIS CENTURY. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I PRIDE MYSELF ABOUT EVEN THOUGH SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT I’M BEING OLD SCHOOL. I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS OUT THERE SULKING AND THINKING THAT NOBODY LOVES THEM OR WILL EVER LOVE THEM AND LETTING THEIR INSECURITIES SWALLOW THEM THINKING THAT THEY DON’T LOOK PRETTY ENOUGH THAT’S WHY GUYS DON’T LOOK AT THEM. NEVER HAVE I HAD TO THROW MYSELF AND MY DIGNITY TO SOME GUY NO MATTER HOW HOT OR HANDSOME HE IS JUST SO HE’D TAKE NOTICE OF ME AND WANT ME. I WILL NEVER GO DOWN TO THAT LEVEL. I FEEL REALLY SORRY FOR THOSE GIRLS WHO DEPEND ON THEIR MAN AND THINK THAT THEIR WHOLE WORLD REVOLVES ON THEIR MAN. IT’S SAD THAT THESE GIRLS WOULD LITERALLY THROW AWAY THEIR BEAUTIFUL LIFE FOR A GUY THEN WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS APART THEIR WHOLE LIFE CRUMBLES TOO. I DON’T WANT TO BE THAT WOMAN. 

SOME WOMEN FEEL ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT THEY ARE SINGLE OR HAVE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND SINCE BIRTH (MY CASE!) SO THEY FAKE IT AND SAY THEY’VE HAD A BOYFRIEND BEFORE. I THINK THAT’S CRAZY. I DON’T SEE ANY REASON WHY A GIRL HAS TO FAKE HER REAL STATUS. YOU’RE SINGLE BECAUSE NO ONE’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. IT’S A SIGN FOR ALL THE MEN OUT THERE. 

TO MAKE IT SHORT AND SIMPLE, I AM SINGLE, PROUD OF IT AND VERY HAPPY. NO RUSH, JUST RIGHT THERE PATIENT AND WILL BE READY ONCE THE RIGHT ONE COMES.

#NOWLISTENING TO “ANNA SUN” BY WALK THE MOON

Dear Blog

Why are you so negative?

#LOL

#NowListening to "Fix A Heart" by Demi Lovato
Album: Unbroken

YEP it's Demi Lovato the Disney girl who entered rehab after battling the effects of bullying and low self-esteem for years. I don't care because of all the new Disney kiddos she's the only one who's got real potential in the music industry. I'm not obsessed with her nor am I a huge fan. I ONLY LISTEN TO MUSIC WORTH HEARING.

The Thing About Celebrities/Socialites/Social Climbers

Okay. I tweet a lot. I love Twitter just as how I have once loved Facebook before it became too crowded and complicated. Probably one of the greatest benefits of any SNS is that it has become a perfect channel for people to get up close and personal with their favorite celebrities and vice versa. I carefully handpick local personalities I follow on Twitter. These personalities I follow are the ones who I think really have something good to say about things and not the type who just talks too much yet says really nothing at all or doesn't really know what he/she is talking about. In other words, just a show-off and an attention whore.

For the past few days, it irks me seeing celebs I follow or those socialite-celebrities whose tweets land in various websites and news channels. It doesn't even make sense that they get a spot in various news sites or show just because they will come or came to this or that charity gala. It annoys me even more when a lot of these people earn heaps of cash just by posing in front of cameras, appearing in club parties, events or blogging. And to those die hards, really!? These are the people you look up to!? They look stylish because they have access to the finest clothes and brands. In the beginning, I thought it was really great for some of the fashion bloggers to share to people what they wear and teach women how to dress well. But as soon as they get a taste of fame and fashion moguls start mentioning their names, all hell breaks loose. They learn to brag about their latest Prada or Vuittons in their personal blogs. They share endless photos or stories of how they bump into Inno Sotto, Rajo Laurel, Ivarluski Aseron, Divine Lee, Tim Yap, Vince Uy and etc. in some fashion event they got invited to and become instant BFFs with them. Then they go to Twitter to tell the whole world that they are one of the first to get a limited edition blah blah like the fashion events they attend are not enough to show off their overpriced outfits. They continue acting like attention whores online dropping designer/socialite/celebrity names which all of a sudden they consider their BFFs and constant party buddies. Hun, honestly I truly believe that fame came your way not because of that simple fashion blog you started or because of that modeling career that took of by accident. First, socialites/socialites-celebrities/social climbers and designers become who they are because a lot of them are already from the upper-class sector to begin with. They can afford to do whatever they want and spend as much as they want. It's all luck. I really hate it when some bloggers who was just once upon a time a humble fashion blogger suddenly becomes a big hit then stops becoming this accommodating fashionista adviser like he/she was before. He/she begins to flood his/her blog with his/her latest outfits that varies from Alexander McQueen, Burberry, Louis Vuitton, Miu Miu and whatever luxury brands imaginable. If you know your readers are from the middle class who wants to dress up as nicely but who cannot afford to splurge heaps of cash on clothes, you wouldn't be dumb enough to flaunt your uber gorgeous but extremely expensive items especially if you know that nobody will benefit from that entry except yourself. Whatever you're doing is just feeding on these poor ignorant people's hopeless desire for things they probably will never have. If it's not called "showing off" then I don't know what you call it. Yeah right we get it you're rich and you can afford to buy clothes that's only available abroad. So what!? You don't have to rub it into other people's faces. The more you try to boast about you're expensive clothes the more I feel sorry for you. Real fortunate people don't brag. For the mean time, I will just be patiently waiting for a blogger to come out who'll dress up in equally nice clothes that's available locally and way cheaper than your style.

I often wonder what's to idolize about them? Yes they're undeniably beautiful but does physical matter the most? Many of these people are not the type who you'd see waking up at 6am to get ready for their office work. You don't see them rushing with the rest of the people to get to the MRT station before rush hour, running around the business district to make it right on time for work or arriving at work at 7:30am to finish a presentation that's due in an hour or two. And to all those stuck-up celebrities/socialites-celebrities/social climbers who takes photos of themselves riding the MRT, is that really something to be proud of? Something you think is worth posting on Facebook or Twitter? Something that's worth all the stupid media frenzy? People take the MRT because either they cannot afford a car, the rising price of gasoline or they want and need to SAVE MONEY. To all the people out there riding the MRT every day, don't you find the actions of these people insulting? For a celebrity/socialite/socialite-celebrity who can easily afford an expensive car to take them everywhere, who doesn't have issues when it comes to rising gasoline prices and who earn more than every single person they're riding at the MRT with, taking a photo of yourself riding the MRT which most people who cannot afford your kind of lifestyle rides everyday is disrespectful. Are you saying that a socialite like you is so admirable just because you were brave enough to ride the MRT? Or you are someone who wouldn't really be seen riding the MRT yet there you are telling the whole world that you can ride the MRT? Is this so much of a Fear Factor kind of challenge for people like you that seeing you ride the MRT is worth all the praise? Well poor you because in real life real people have to sacrifice a lot of things and bite on every single option available in order to save and earn money. Some people would even go to greater lengths such as committing a crime just to survive. Lucky you because you never have to experience that unlike most people.

I also hate it when these people living such obnoxious lives go on Twitter telling the world how happy they are to be able to participate in charity works. Some of these people if not partying hard are working in an NGO at day. In real life, I don't think a person will get by perfectly fine just by simply choosing NGO/charity work as a career path. Let's be realistic here, when you do charity works, I don't think you earn so much because if you have any cash in hand, usually these are the cash you give out to the sectors you reach out to. For the past few years, everytime there's a publicized NGO event most of the attendees are the same people. You'd still see them wearing expensive jewelries, outfits and thick make-ups in an event supposed to show people in need that we're all equal in this world and that things will be okay. These attention whores will come rushing to cameramen in hordes just so they can get interviewed and have their faces plastered in magazines and newspapers so people would see how caring they are. Then they'd say that financial difficulties should not be a barrier for anyone to help those in need. Really!? You think it's THAT easy to help people in need? Just so you know, as much as any ordinary citizen would want to help the underprivileged ones, it's just not possible when their plate is too full unlike yours. Oh I forgot you don't understand the concept of hard life because you are too blind to see the world outside your realm. And those telling everyone to support locally made products yes it's good to be proud of your own roots. Yeah woohoo tell everyone to buy this blah blah dress/accessory/shoes by this blah blah local designer for Php 10,000 support local products woohoo. Yeah right. No sane person would spend Php 10K for a dress/shoes/accessories.

Let's admit it. Many times when we look at the lives of these celebrities/socialites-celebrities/Social climbers, we can't help but envy them. Every single day, all they have to do is dress nicely, show up in some press conference, pose in front of a camera, blog or practice their social climbing skills and they earn heaps. Yep, just like that. People say what a sweet life it is but if you want that life you got to work your way up there. Yes go and give up your real self just so you can fit in with their fabricated high-end lifestyle. Remember this gay Australian who came out a few years ago and lashed out on Celine Lopez and her gay friend who probably would have already received a Ph.d in social climbing if it were an academic course when they used him for their own benefit? Just when we all thought how lucky these people are then all of a sudden something like that comes out. They would probably say that everybody thinks that what they're doing is easy. However in reality there's a lot of pressure they have to handle and a lot of times they also have to stay up until the wee hours to finish this or that kind of projects... Come on, handling pressure is normal to whatever job. Everybody goes through that. The point is at least you don't have to put together everything like the people behind every project you do does yet they don't get even half of what you earn. The least you can do is to be humble enough instead of being blatantly a constant show-off.

I am not being envious (well maybe a little bit I mean who isn't? What an easy life they got who would want that?) of this people. I'm saying all this because I feel that it has become too much already. These celebrities/socialites-celebrities/social climbers knows clearly that they're gorgeous, looked upon by young people and can get away with everything. They know that they are the people that once they enter the room, everything stops and all eyes will be on them. These are the people who can continuously tell the whole world how rich they by wearing all their expensive clothes and post photos of them with those items in their blogs and they'd still get tons of likes and people would still read their entries and comment on their photos. It's so taxing and annoying. Are these the type of people that we should all look up to nowadays? If that's the case, then the world must have really gone crazy.

#NowListening to "Obsessions" by Marina and The Diamonds
Album: The Family Jewels

Happy #1

Come to think of it, almost the entire content of my blog is about hate and struggle. It's just so sad. But whatever this blog was built for that purpose anyway. Tonight, I went to Greenhills to have dinner with friends/late birthday celebration of one of my closest friends, my twin, Cerina. I haven't known this girl that long (five years) yet we're so tight. We know each other too well that whatever happens to us, good or bad, whatever we look like probably a druggie, a zombie or whatever weird or good thing imaginable, we don't feel uncomfortable or shy towards each other. We're very open and we have the same way of thinking that even if we don't say anything to each other once we start talking exactly the same words come out of our mouth. Sometimes I find it weird but more than that I find it really amusing. You don't get to really experience something like that so often in a friend. You may have hundreds of people who knows you and a smaller circle who you can say who knows you the deepest but I believe it's quite a rare instance that you find a friend who's mind runs on a totally the same course as yours. Thus, we call each other twins.

We were supposedly I think maybe around six who will be having dinner at Greenhills but somehow due to the location the attendance trickled down to two and those two were me and Cerina twin. Though there was only the two of us it was really fun. It's really good to be able to catch up with such a close friend. What's nice about being with a larger group is well there's more people and you get to catch up with them bit by bit and of course every single one's got stories, everything's louder. But when there's only two people you really get down to the most intricate part of that person's life. You really get to TALK all the better especially when you're with that friend who knows you inside out.

Thinking about it now, almost more than half of our conversation was about boys and our ignorance about the opposite sex and funny as it may seems our curiosity towards fornication. Funny how at the age of 22 we still go "eeewww" or "YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKK" while talking about how it's like based on other people's stories. We still have those childish moments. Oh and how it makes us so uncomfortable when some guy tries to express his intentions/feelings towards us. Ugh. I don't know how other ladies deal with it. We just can't seem to figure out how to do it or if it's even possible to us.

Anyway, I haven't been this happy in a while. Everything's so much better now. It's just a proof that not all things in this world is so f*cked up yet. Sometimes we really just need to take a break from everything and do things that would bring us joy, that would give just the right balance in life. I realize tonight, we can't have too much of one thing nor too less of it either. We always have to find the right balance.

I had to share it right away tonight because it's been such a great night for me and I haven't had this moment in a while. This is what I needed right now.

#NowListening to "Take Me Dancing" by The Maine
Album: Pioneer B-Side

Life's Definition of Reciprocation

I don't understand why when you throw your own self to life thinking that no matter how essential your own being is you'd still believe that life will give you back a million times more of happiness. Thus, you dive in and risk the only priceless thing you have in possession, YOU. Later on, after going through so much tough experiences you will realize that you just got less of what you bargained for. Is it worth it? Maybe. Is it painful? Yes of course. Losing is always painful as much as winning is so sweet. But of the two, losing though no matter how loathsome it may be or how we always try to get away from it, this is what's going to teach us to keep fighting back. The feeling is going to suck, seeing everyone around you succeeding and there you are struggling and uncertain of what's going to happen next stuck right at the end of the line. You feel bitter for others winning and you, though deep inside you know you deserve more is just too helpless to do anything for yourself. Most of the time you just allow yourself to get sucked by depression like it's as if that very thing will come into life and send you back to where you think you should be. This world is unfair. It's going to keep on slapping you with hate, fear and rejection and it would totally pull you to the ground. It will crush your very essence. It hates what makes you feel secured and contented. Despite being around people who cares about you, at the end of it all everything about your story will be written by you and no one else. You will feel alone but you have to accept that to win, you have to make the biggest sacrifice. In this world you have to stay alert and strong or you will ultimately lose this battle.

David Guetta All The Way

Oh phulease how ridiculously awesome can "Without You" by David Guetta Feat. Usher get? I can listen to this for one whole month. I'm watching David Guetta's music videos and I have to say that not only am I so impressed with his musical talent but his music videos are the best too. I would be more than willing to participate in one of his music videos. Watching his videos makes me feel so happy and giddy to party. Looking at the people in his videos makes me want to die of envy. Just seeing those people dancing the day and night away already makes me feel so ecstatic, game for anything crazy and be in the company of my best buddies.

Barely There

People say that you succeed by trying and trying so you just keep going. A lot of times, when you are working so hard trying you end up failing. You feel that it's all over but then despite that you know you need to continue trying. You don't know how long you have to try. To make the matters worse, you find yourself stuck with so many options on one side and on the other, a choice to drop it all and move on. Most of the time, you don't give it all up so easily.You will always end up choosing the side with so many options even though you can't see any of them so clearly.  As much as possible while you're still unsure of what you think you want and what is right, you just keep going. You let yourself go with the current flow because you believe that eventually you will find some clarity from that blur.

Back then you were the star everybody wanted to see, the one who shined the most but then you fell and there you are struggling to get back up.Who knows? maybe your time has passed and you have to go back in line again and wait for the right moment. It's probably not you. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Every single person has his/her own limits. One day, there will come a point when you'll feel like you're just spinning and spinning in one full circle without knowing when to stop, where to go or what you have to do to let go. You'd think that you're trying but everyone's just too occupied to see that. Then you reach your limits and though you don't know where to go next it just suddenly dawns in you that it's time to stop. In the beginning, you'd feel that everything been a waste and you'd feel terribly sad knowing how you've began building your first steps on that path just to let go of it or lose it. Definitely, after that sacrifice, you will receive a bountiful more of obstacles you need to resolve on your own. It will be hard in such a way that it'll push you to your limits and sometimes, it'll make you want to give up. You will go through a lot of hurt and rejection along the way but like what they say, success is sweeter after going through unimaginable pain while getting there.

#NowListening to "Strip by Chris Brown Feat. Kevin McCall
Album: Fortune

A Step Forward

Ever since, I have always been the perfect observer and listener. To the point that other people who barely know anything about me would think that I am an ultimate snob. I don’t say a lot to people I hardly know but that doesn’t mean that I have no interest in knowing them. When I meet someone new or when I get myself into some unfamiliar situation, there are usually a million things that spins on my mind that I want to release yet I can’t seem to. I don’t trust myself to say the smartest things in such kind of situations. Most of the time, I just watch and listen. Now that I am at the right age, I realize how much I have missed in my younger years but these are the moments I know I can never go back to. It’s really sad to know how much this upbringing has affected my entire life.

Alot of times, I have been this person that my friends run to in times of need. The one who listens to all their banters about school, lovelife, family problems and etc. I listen and give them nothing but the most comforting words to help them get through the day. At the end of every heart-to-heart session I hold with my friends, I get nothing but compliments on being such a great listener and source of advices to everything imaginable. To just be able to put a smile on their face during their bad days is enough already to make me feel accomplished for the day. Nothing beats the happy feeling of making your friends feel comforted. I always tell my friends who fear to try new things to go and not be afraid, my broken hearted friends to move on and show the guy what he just lost, my friends who have to make big choices to follow what she wants and etc. I was the ego booster to my friends, fully equipped with the best advices 24/7. Thinking about it now, I guess I have been so busy trying to be the perfect buddy to my friends to the point that I have forgotten myself, what I want and what I need. A lot of times, I have just stood there and watched great opportunities or people pass me by. I was too busy and accustomed to just observing and listening that I have grown into a person who can’t choose for myself. I have become stationary in one position and have forgotten to continue exploring. When I keep telling my friends only the most positive things, here I am stuck staring at the world of soon-to-be missed opportunities. I have so many wants yet everytime these good things come along, I have much more uncertainties in my mind to the point that I would just let these possibilities go thinking that I don’t deserve it or I am not cut out for it and when I am ready, it's already too late. It’s so ironic how I always tell people to value themselves and put their own priorities first before other people yet in my own life I can’t even apply them. For once, I finally really want to put myself on the top of my priority list and the others beneath me.  I’ve heard many people tell me how envious they are of my accomplishments and my confidence. I do know that I love myself despite my imperfections but at the same time I know too that I do not trust myself enough. I feel that if I take a step to an unfamiliar plane, I’d face rejection. I hate the feeling of losing or being rejected so I stay where I know I am safe, where I know I won’t fail. I have become too accustomed to being the follower to the point that I have feared change. I was not taught enough to challenge myself or step up and fight for what I believe is right. As I embark on another journey in life, this time I want to take control of myself. I want to do things that I want to try. It won’t be easy but at least I will try than regret later on. This time, I will hopefully be braver and will learn to step up more and not live in the shadow of someone else who I always tell myself is better than me and someone I will never be. But this time, I will turn the tables.I will talk and they will listen. 

#NowListening to "So Cold" by Chris Brown

Album: Grafitti

[REVIEW] I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max

 "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world."

I first learned about "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" while looking through the vast collection of books in Fullybooked. I have this habit of hanging out in bookstores whenever I go to the mall and just spend a couple of hours going through as much books as I can and noting down on my phone's memo the books that I want to read. Some people might find it boring but I don't mind. I love reading it's something I can do forever and not get bored. In fact if stalking reading was a profession that paid killer dough I'd take it as a career path. Hahaha... 

So I was really stoked when I accidentally stumbled upon a pdf copy of this book online while I was looking for a pdf copy of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I downloaded it right away and ended up reading half of the book the whole afternoon. To be honest, I didn't have much of an idea what the book was really all about except that it's a non-fiction and it was all about the life adventures of Tucker Max. Saying that this guy lived life to the fullest is an understatement. Spending every day drinking, hooking up with random women wherever he went and literally letting each day pass terribly drunk, it was THE LIFE for him. Even waking up with a massive hangover, suffering from a severe case of diarrhea or vomiting his guts out-as terrible as it may seems-he never stops living the life of the ultimate drunkard. One day he'd end up sh*tting all over the hotel lobby, clogging the hotel room's toilet bowl and the rest of the toilet bowls in the public restroom in some hotel or sh*tting on himself but who cares? He will never give up booze and women for his dignity and hygene. 

I was really shocked that someone can be this much of a bummer. All the more for someone who wasn't just any ordinary guy at the peak of his youth. Just so you know, while living a happy-go-lucky lifestyle, Max Tucker was a law student. Yep, and despite all the time he threw away drinking beers and hooking up with women he graduated with a Law Degree in 2001. I have mixed emotions after reading this book. I thought it was great of Tucker Max to have been able to savour every moment of his life. I wish I could do the same. I don't want to go to that level though. He may have slept with more than a hundred women (and still counting) and wake up the next day without any memory of what happened the night before or why he's lying down in some park with vomit all over his face. But I'm sure though that when he's grey and old he won't have to worry about regretting not living life to the fullest. I think one of the most important things in life is that every person gets to live life by his/her own rules and realize his/her dream. That's what Tucker Max did. His life may not be the ideal life for most of us, but it was the direction he chose to take and he seems pretty damn happy and contented with it. He may not be the best example for someone who wants a positive life but look, despite his being a drunkard and a total ass he was able to turn something positive out of his wretched lifestyle. He shared his out-of-the-world insane adventures to the world through a mere reading material then later on became a New York Times Bestselling Author and even had his book signed up for a movie deal. Now, he just continues to live his kind of life and keeps on sharing to the world about it. He wasn't simply a no-life guy who drank his heart away, had sex to as much hot women as possible or harshly criticized women. This guy didn't seek for perfection. He just took what's there on the table. For him life was simple. He found contentment in the company of alcohol and hoes. It may not be the most ideal choice but for someone like him, it was the life he preferred. Hopefully not for good though.

I highly recommend this book to bookworms who are VERY open-minded, mature and someone who can look beyond what's written on the surface. I think it's a good book. It may be an R-Rated read but it makes you realize a lot of things too. In some moments you'd laugh about Tucker's antics, randomness and weird ideas yet it will never cross your mind not even for once-strangely though-that this guy is dumb. With every stupid thing he does comes really good realizations which he shares to the world. It'll make you just naturally agree to whatever he is saying simply because he's right in one way or another. To quote him, 

“There is no such thing as "deserving" respect; you get what you demand from people.. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won't associate with you. It really is that simple.”

Though he generally was disrespectful to women and treated them as an object of pleasure at least he was very honest about it. He was right when he said people treat you the way you want to be treated. This guy managed to sleep with a hundred something women not because he forced these women to do so, it was a choice that these women took. They clearly knew how disrespectful he was to women yet they still willingly and happily threw themselves to him and strip them off their own dignity. They get what they deserve, be seen and treated like a hoe. He may most of the time be insensitive about women but I know deep within this man has still got some soft spot and respect for women. In the latter part of the book, he was dancing around, drunk as usual and he saw this image of a woman he said he could finally fall in love with. Someone, who he sees as the one he can grow old with. There was this feeling of comfort and delight to have finally found the one he's been waiting for so long that you can feel and read through in that moment he was speaking about that woman which later on he finds out is just his illusion, one of the many side effects of getting drunk. At that moment I knew that this guy was not hopeless after all. He knows the kind of women who deserves his respect and those who don't.

I'm not really shocked that he's still single until now. Though I don't think he's a hopeless case I mean anything can happen. What do you expect from a man who can't handle his alcohol intake and addiction to sex? Better be single this way than married and addicted to both alcohol and women right? I like him. He's very honest that he's a douche and he doesn't hide it. He's being honest about it and is definitely being responsible about it, in his own way. For someone who's a stranger to Tucker Max's life reading his experiences will open you to a lot of things unknown to you. Though most of it are crazy, it'll make you understand the idea that life has no boundaries. All it takes is a fearless step towards the blind side. Also, it tells that it's okay to break free from everything and do what makes you happy, live life and not let life pass you by.This book will make you feel like laughing your ass off in Tucker Max's series of adventures, shocked of his wildness, hate him for being the biggest douchebag and wanting to murder him for disrespecting women, think again how men view women, take a trip to the wildest cities and later on even if there will be times you'd want to stop reading because you feel that there's no point finishing Tucker Max's book, you'll find yourself coming back to experience the rush of adventure and being a part of his crazy life.

#NowListening to"Between" by Courrier
Album: A Violent Flame

What Has Been (The Yearender)-Photos

Since my entry for my 2011 recap is probably the longest blog entry I've written ever since I started blogging. I've decided to create a post for the photos instead. 

CA3 starting off senior year. 

Graduation day with close friends from other block.
(L-R): Me, Katrina, Cerina(bottom), Fatima, Dang, Ali, Bianca  and Jam.

I remember I went home this day due to a massive migraine from stress and I was suffering from an on and off fever which I thought was dengue  (it was dengue season that time) and I panicked because I was thinking I'd never graduate if I contracted dengue. I'll be way behind everything. I was already thinking of working on my thesis while confined in the hospital and submitting everything online. Thankfully though it was just a false alarm.

(Clockwise L-R): Cerina, me, Fae, Bianca, Kikx, Fatima and Ria.

Incomplete class photo during graduation practice.

CA3's class photo. I really miss all of them.

ADHOC II with twin, Katrina and Bianca. 

Twin and I at Blue Wave in the wee hours of the morning after ADHOC II.

These people are so sweet. They even made an effort to drop by Room 201 to greet me a Belated happy birthday. (L-R): Ina, Hyunah, Me, Meiyee, "Bakra" and Hikaru. 

"Bakra" is a Japanese guy who are friends with Meiyee and Hikaru, both exchange students at MC and came over from Australia for an activity in MC.

Room 201: Where I lived. Meiyee busy playing with Angela's ipad. The bed on the middle is mine. I'm not always that messy. There was just a lot going on that time. 

Friday Night. I still remember this was taken on a late friday night. I was studying for Mass Media Laws the next day and got extremely bored after doing nothing since the afternoon but studying. Angela on the other hand was bumming around. What I love the most about being in our dorm room is when all the lights are dim just like the one in the photo then Angela and I would just talk the night away or play around before hitting the sack. :) The good old days.

This is the pantry. Everybody knows that this is my territory. I always do my homeworks and reviewing here because it's so quiet and it's not cold. I can't focus as much whenever I am reviewing in our room because it's super cold and it makes me feel sleepy plus it's too tempting to chat with Angela. Before, the pantry was all for mine to use but then came second semester and Hyunah came in so we both shared the pantry. I didn't mind it at all because we both enjoy each other's company so much and we had the same approach towards studying. It was really nice having Hyunah around whom I can talk to about serious matters that people the same age as mine could only understand. She was a deep person and I enjoyed talking to her even if it means talking in straight english the whole time I did not mind.


Blog entry for this is: HERE!