Making choices is a vital part of living. Everything we experience, our entirety basically is made up of every little decision or choice we've made all throughout the years.
In life, when you think that you've already made the right decision chances are either you'd go on thinking that you've really hit the jackpot or something might come along the way, another option, that would make you wonder which choice you should take and think twice whether your previous final decision which now turns into "one of the choices" again just like before you picked it is the right option. Every choice is so enticing that it'll really make you think hard. No matter how much you want to pursue both the rule of life dictates that no person can have it all. So, you have to choose one and let go of the other. This is where the problem occurs. Given that both choices are so enticing and the previous option being something that's no longer stranger to you and something you've already incorporated into your daily life and the other option being new, mysterious and equally as enticing as the other option, which one should you take? Most of the time when you've settled with a certain decision you find it hard to part from it especially if it has become totally a part of your life. But then humans are also naturally curious beings. People always crave for mystery. Even though we fear of what something we're unfamiliar with could cause us, at the same time it attracts us and tempts us to come closer and discover.
It's so frustrating that no matter how much we want to not choose from the choices laid upon us and just grab both we really have to let go of one. In these kinds of situations where you're left stuck in the middle you realize two things: One, that too much of the great things is not as good as it seems especially if you know that you can't have the best of both worlds. Secondly, you just have to deal with the pain of letting go when making your choice. There's no other way but this.
*NowListening to "Feeling A Moment" by Feeder
Album: Pushing the Senses
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sick of Getting Sick
Arrrggghhh... Finally it has happened. I have been wondering for a while now since it's been quite a long time the last time I got sick and I really find it quite unusual of me not getting sick for a long time already. Well since I've probably been thinking too much about it, here I am right now sitting in the sofa down with colds and some moments I feel like I'd rather die than go through the pain of getting sick. I really hate the feeling of having a scratchy throat and knowing that the first ever thing that I'd feel once I wake up in the morning is a burning pain on my throat. It makes me really want to cry and at the same time makes me appreciate more the moments wherein I was not sick. Most of the time I'd think about the times feel I have wasted when I wasn't sick and wish I could go back and do something more worthwhile during those times. Sounds like it's as if I'm dying. But that's how it's like for me whenever I'm sick. I really envy the people who get sick but don't really experience the burning pain in the throat first thing in the morning or the itchy throat that will keep you coughing non-stop for moments until you lose your breath. I go through all of it whenever I am sick and I hate it. Everytime I see someone who's very sick I really feel for them but at the same time I'm thankful that I'm not the one in their position. Whew I just really want this to be over. I hope that I can wake up tomorrow and it will be all gone.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Reality According to the Jungle
Why is life too complicated?
It's all because of the people themselves.
Whoever says life is easy definitely has never had a taste of reality. For a recent graduate like me who have just dived into the jungle I know that despite more than a decade of being a full time student bombarded with tons of school requirements, tests and a daily doze of nth level of stress that I still have A LOT to learn. I once thought after all that I have experienced as a student, I am prepared and fully equipped to join the battle in the jungle. I was wrong. Working is not like doing assignments and dealing with your groupmates. As a professional, expectations are higher since you are being paid for your expertise. Employers don't hire because they want you to learn, they hire you because they know that you can deliver. The school's sole duty is just to provide a rough preview of the jungle and basically that's it. You only learn when you're already there in the jungle. Having just started working, I have already discovered so many things I never thought was possible in this world. Though I knew such things existed but I never expected to witness them myself.
Going back to my question, Why is life too complicated?
People. They are what makes up the world and what keeps it moving. Without people then life might as well be considered void. Other animals may live but they can never surpass man's thinking capacity. Without humans, there will be no such thing as progress. Working made me discover so many things about people that I have never encountered before. Being a product of exclusive schooling for almost my entire student life, I can't help but feel shocked and confused. To clarify what I am talking about let me break it down for you.
1. Two worlds. I am well versed with the different types of people, girls in particular that I have to deal with back in school. Not even once did I had any problems dealing with people from my school. Blending in with the exclusive school crowd just comes out natural to me most probably because I'm used to the abnormal set-up. To be honest, I don't know how to deal with the people who didn't belong to my definition of "world". I didn't realize that my big "world" is just minuscule to the "world" where I belong now. I thought I've already discovered the different types of people from my experience as a student and worse, I thought it was all there is until I started working where I found out that my so called "big world" is not so big after all. The people I've met in school and the world we used to revolve in is just a small part of a bigger world with more people all with such complex personalities I never imagined possible. Meeting such people was so...new. I don't know if I should be happy or not. To think that hitting twenty two, I have just learned that there's such a whole lot of people with varying personalities which I have never encountered before. Some people who came from coed schooling get a bit taken aback when they hear about my views on people. Sometimes I'm starting to feel like back in school I was just playing house with other people or that I am a doll being controlled by authorities telling me what and what not to see and believe. I guess my expensive and extensive exclusive education failed to show me one of the most important lessons in life, to look beyond what is in front of me.
2. Men. Attending an exclusive school for more than a decade, I am tailored to become a feminist, someone who believes that WOMEN can have it ALL. That, as a woman I can stand on my own without support from men. Also, being surrounded by women my whole life, my concept of a normal world is a world that's just for and by women and men all belong to the background and only serve the purpose as eye candies to women. I don't know a thing about men and didn't felt the need to until I reached junior year in college. It never occured to me the need to have to learn to interact with men. Now, I just feel sorry for myself for not knowing how to deal with men. However, four new interesting realizations about men dawned on me:
- Polar Opposites. Some men are extremely shy. However, those men are the ones who will usually grab your attention and you'll just find yourself trying to unravel that mystery about him. But waiting until when he'll stay mum and not getting any signs at all will leave you either feeling more curious or just plain disappointed. Men can also be way over the top confident about himself, ugh it's such a turn off. Confidence is good but too much of it kills all the fun.
-There are sooooooooo many SMALL guys. I always thought that men should be taller than women and that there are only a few women who stands taller than men. Again, my assumption was proven wrong. In the company I'm currently working at, I see a lot of tall women everyday and at the same time, A LOT of SMALL guys. Having to see a small guy stand beside a tall woman is quite a painful sight to see. I always end up saying inside my head "Ohhhh crap, life is unfair. You just really can't have it all."
-Bye-bye to Gentlemen. At this day and age, men opening doors for the ladies, offering them a seat, carrying huge and heavy items for them or other gentlemen actions just don't exist anymore. I pronounce it official that gentlemen are extinct. In my office, where elevators are always broken, once the elevator door opens you have no choice but to dash towards it as fast as you can before it closes and becomes full. That means having to compete like you are in a marathon with both MEN and WOMEN, funny thing is they'd really compete. Nobody want's to get left behind and wait for another door to open. Hilarious that sometimes it feels like you're running for your life. Other times, when I'm in front of the elevator door once it opens, I'm even the one who has to keep the doors open and pave way for the MAN leaving. Personally, I'm not that bothered about this because I'm used to doing things on my own without the help of men. It was just me and my officemates' observation. Anyway, gentlewomen anyone? :)
-MEN ARE HUGE GOSSIPERS. Though I don't really find this quite shocking as I've heard this so many times already. It's just hilarious to sometimes see some really good looking and buff men circling around and talking about the latest showbiz, political or office gossips. They spread secrets like wildfire and get gossip updates in a speed of light. These men will give Boy Abunda a run for his money.
3. Love/Hate. It is not possible for someone to really love every single person he/she encounters. As humans, we are born with countless of flaws that can sometimes make us a subject of hate by others. We cannot stop it that's just how it is. There are moments wherein we meet people that we just can't help but hate sometimes but also adore. At times, you just wish that he/she leaves you in peace and move on some other place where you wouldn't have to see or hear from him/her ever. At times when he/she gets on your nerve you just wish that there were no rules in this world that needs to be followed and that you are free to do anything to the person you dislike without others judging you. However, despite all that hate maintaining peaceful relations remains your top priority. So, you just put on a poker face and do all the dirty work on your mind. But then one thing I realized about people we dislike is that regardless of all the things that makes us hate a person, there's always going to be something about that person that we'll love. That's why at some point we are able to forgive people who have done us wrong.
4. The Jungle. Why do I compare the reality to the jungle? Basically it's because in a jungle you are to expect the unexpected and journey without knowing where you will land later on. It's not like I will go there and know exactly where I'm heading. There's no concrete road in the jungle that would lead me to where I need to go. Everything appears the same as the other path. I may have plans in the beginning of what to do and where to go to but in the middle of my journey I will encounter so many things, paths and so many people that will convince me to divert from my original plan. I don't believe that when a person plans something he/she is able to follow it exactly how he/she planned it. There will always be changes midway. Sometimes I will surely find myself trapped in a series of dilemmas and must search a way in the jungle to breakaway from it. No matter what, I know that I have to go out from this jungle maze. Along my journey I will meet different sort of people who may love me, hurt me or change the way I view things. These people may be the ones who have survived long enough in the middle of the jungle but continues to be trapped because they haven't found the exit route yet, may also be the ones to guide you and maybe just use you. It's a game of survival of the fittest. But either way, my travelling can't stop. I have to keep going to reach where I want to go to wherever that is. Everything around me is so chaotic that it makes it all look so confusing. But it is through that chaos that I know I will find the way to appreciate the beauty that will unfold later on. At the end of it all I know I'll just feel comforted, happy and grateful that I've experienced so many things along my travels. I'd surely feel that the travelling I did in the vast jungle has been worth it. I will appreciate it because I know that I have made it through after all the "impossible" situations I had to get through. All of it will make me stronger, wiser and most importantly, whole.
We are who runs the world and the things that are happening to us. We are what makes up the experiences of other people and ourselves. We are what complicates things and who untangles them as well. This is our purpose. To create experiences and learn. We can't live a smooth and peaceful life forever. We must go through rough patches to appreciate the world and the people around us. Without pain we will not learn to love, appreciate and distinguish from all the dark clouds the silver linings that makes us feel blessed to be given another day to live.
#NowListening to "You Know it's True" By Jules Larson
Album: A Lot Like You
It's all because of the people themselves.
Whoever says life is easy definitely has never had a taste of reality. For a recent graduate like me who have just dived into the jungle I know that despite more than a decade of being a full time student bombarded with tons of school requirements, tests and a daily doze of nth level of stress that I still have A LOT to learn. I once thought after all that I have experienced as a student, I am prepared and fully equipped to join the battle in the jungle. I was wrong. Working is not like doing assignments and dealing with your groupmates. As a professional, expectations are higher since you are being paid for your expertise. Employers don't hire because they want you to learn, they hire you because they know that you can deliver. The school's sole duty is just to provide a rough preview of the jungle and basically that's it. You only learn when you're already there in the jungle. Having just started working, I have already discovered so many things I never thought was possible in this world. Though I knew such things existed but I never expected to witness them myself.
Going back to my question, Why is life too complicated?
People. They are what makes up the world and what keeps it moving. Without people then life might as well be considered void. Other animals may live but they can never surpass man's thinking capacity. Without humans, there will be no such thing as progress. Working made me discover so many things about people that I have never encountered before. Being a product of exclusive schooling for almost my entire student life, I can't help but feel shocked and confused. To clarify what I am talking about let me break it down for you.
1. Two worlds. I am well versed with the different types of people, girls in particular that I have to deal with back in school. Not even once did I had any problems dealing with people from my school. Blending in with the exclusive school crowd just comes out natural to me most probably because I'm used to the abnormal set-up. To be honest, I don't know how to deal with the people who didn't belong to my definition of "world". I didn't realize that my big "world" is just minuscule to the "world" where I belong now. I thought I've already discovered the different types of people from my experience as a student and worse, I thought it was all there is until I started working where I found out that my so called "big world" is not so big after all. The people I've met in school and the world we used to revolve in is just a small part of a bigger world with more people all with such complex personalities I never imagined possible. Meeting such people was so...new. I don't know if I should be happy or not. To think that hitting twenty two, I have just learned that there's such a whole lot of people with varying personalities which I have never encountered before. Some people who came from coed schooling get a bit taken aback when they hear about my views on people. Sometimes I'm starting to feel like back in school I was just playing house with other people or that I am a doll being controlled by authorities telling me what and what not to see and believe. I guess my expensive and extensive exclusive education failed to show me one of the most important lessons in life, to look beyond what is in front of me.
2. Men. Attending an exclusive school for more than a decade, I am tailored to become a feminist, someone who believes that WOMEN can have it ALL. That, as a woman I can stand on my own without support from men. Also, being surrounded by women my whole life, my concept of a normal world is a world that's just for and by women and men all belong to the background and only serve the purpose as eye candies to women. I don't know a thing about men and didn't felt the need to until I reached junior year in college. It never occured to me the need to have to learn to interact with men. Now, I just feel sorry for myself for not knowing how to deal with men. However, four new interesting realizations about men dawned on me:
- Polar Opposites. Some men are extremely shy. However, those men are the ones who will usually grab your attention and you'll just find yourself trying to unravel that mystery about him. But waiting until when he'll stay mum and not getting any signs at all will leave you either feeling more curious or just plain disappointed. Men can also be way over the top confident about himself, ugh it's such a turn off. Confidence is good but too much of it kills all the fun.
-There are sooooooooo many SMALL guys. I always thought that men should be taller than women and that there are only a few women who stands taller than men. Again, my assumption was proven wrong. In the company I'm currently working at, I see a lot of tall women everyday and at the same time, A LOT of SMALL guys. Having to see a small guy stand beside a tall woman is quite a painful sight to see. I always end up saying inside my head "Ohhhh crap, life is unfair. You just really can't have it all."
-Bye-bye to Gentlemen. At this day and age, men opening doors for the ladies, offering them a seat, carrying huge and heavy items for them or other gentlemen actions just don't exist anymore. I pronounce it official that gentlemen are extinct. In my office, where elevators are always broken, once the elevator door opens you have no choice but to dash towards it as fast as you can before it closes and becomes full. That means having to compete like you are in a marathon with both MEN and WOMEN, funny thing is they'd really compete. Nobody want's to get left behind and wait for another door to open. Hilarious that sometimes it feels like you're running for your life. Other times, when I'm in front of the elevator door once it opens, I'm even the one who has to keep the doors open and pave way for the MAN leaving. Personally, I'm not that bothered about this because I'm used to doing things on my own without the help of men. It was just me and my officemates' observation. Anyway, gentlewomen anyone? :)
-MEN ARE HUGE GOSSIPERS. Though I don't really find this quite shocking as I've heard this so many times already. It's just hilarious to sometimes see some really good looking and buff men circling around and talking about the latest showbiz, political or office gossips. They spread secrets like wildfire and get gossip updates in a speed of light. These men will give Boy Abunda a run for his money.
3. Love/Hate. It is not possible for someone to really love every single person he/she encounters. As humans, we are born with countless of flaws that can sometimes make us a subject of hate by others. We cannot stop it that's just how it is. There are moments wherein we meet people that we just can't help but hate sometimes but also adore. At times, you just wish that he/she leaves you in peace and move on some other place where you wouldn't have to see or hear from him/her ever. At times when he/she gets on your nerve you just wish that there were no rules in this world that needs to be followed and that you are free to do anything to the person you dislike without others judging you. However, despite all that hate maintaining peaceful relations remains your top priority. So, you just put on a poker face and do all the dirty work on your mind. But then one thing I realized about people we dislike is that regardless of all the things that makes us hate a person, there's always going to be something about that person that we'll love. That's why at some point we are able to forgive people who have done us wrong.
4. The Jungle. Why do I compare the reality to the jungle? Basically it's because in a jungle you are to expect the unexpected and journey without knowing where you will land later on. It's not like I will go there and know exactly where I'm heading. There's no concrete road in the jungle that would lead me to where I need to go. Everything appears the same as the other path. I may have plans in the beginning of what to do and where to go to but in the middle of my journey I will encounter so many things, paths and so many people that will convince me to divert from my original plan. I don't believe that when a person plans something he/she is able to follow it exactly how he/she planned it. There will always be changes midway. Sometimes I will surely find myself trapped in a series of dilemmas and must search a way in the jungle to breakaway from it. No matter what, I know that I have to go out from this jungle maze. Along my journey I will meet different sort of people who may love me, hurt me or change the way I view things. These people may be the ones who have survived long enough in the middle of the jungle but continues to be trapped because they haven't found the exit route yet, may also be the ones to guide you and maybe just use you. It's a game of survival of the fittest. But either way, my travelling can't stop. I have to keep going to reach where I want to go to wherever that is. Everything around me is so chaotic that it makes it all look so confusing. But it is through that chaos that I know I will find the way to appreciate the beauty that will unfold later on. At the end of it all I know I'll just feel comforted, happy and grateful that I've experienced so many things along my travels. I'd surely feel that the travelling I did in the vast jungle has been worth it. I will appreciate it because I know that I have made it through after all the "impossible" situations I had to get through. All of it will make me stronger, wiser and most importantly, whole.
We are who runs the world and the things that are happening to us. We are what makes up the experiences of other people and ourselves. We are what complicates things and who untangles them as well. This is our purpose. To create experiences and learn. We can't live a smooth and peaceful life forever. We must go through rough patches to appreciate the world and the people around us. Without pain we will not learn to love, appreciate and distinguish from all the dark clouds the silver linings that makes us feel blessed to be given another day to live.
#NowListening to "You Know it's True" By Jules Larson
Album: A Lot Like You
Friday, December 2, 2011
50/50
I just finished watching 50/50 a while ago. The movie features Joseph Gordon Levitt and Seth Rogen. The story is about a young guy named Adam (played by Levitt) who is pretty much living a routine life just like everyone else and suddenly gets diagnosed with cancer. As it is an unexpected event, he decides to live his life day by day, trying things he never did before and instead of succumbing to depression did whatever it took to fight his sickness to be able to live as normal as possible and hopefully get another shot at life.
While watching this movie I just thought how terrible it'd be to one day live like your usual self free from any deadly illnesses then the next day find yourself on the brink of death. For a lot of people who have never been diagnosed with a deadly sickness we'd probably never understand how hard it is. Maybe yes we do have a knowledge on how hard it is based on stories and facts but nothing compares to experience. I don't wish to suffer this kind of fate someday but pondering on how it's like to be that sick knowing that you won't be living long enough, for someone who's suffering from this fate I'm sure the first thing the person would think about is how he lived his life and what he could have done. Regrets.
In an ordinary day, when we know that we are healthy and in good condition to do what we need and are expected to do, we don't really allot even just a few moments to ponder about how precious life is. We just don't care. We believe that we just have to go with the daily flow and think about tomorrow next time. But no, it's not supposed to go that way. We're too busy earning money to spend on material things that would really mean nothing at all once something happens that would put our routine life into a halt such as suffering from an incurable disease as cancer. Does it really have to take a hard luck to make us realize what and how much we've been missing in life? Does it always have to be too late?
I feel really sad for the people who are suffering from this kind of fate and have no choice but to make the most out of their remaining days. Given their condition the only choice left for them is to live their life on urgency. They just have to resort to doing everything that they could have done before but they never did so when they were still perfectly in control in a short span of time. Now that they are weak and dying they finally realize that it's not so hard to do it after all. Back then they were just too lazy or busy thinking about the inconsequential things. Realizing that they were able to do so many things they once wanted to do when they were healthier all they can do is wish that they could have done it sooner. To be able to put everything on rush or cram all of the last minute plans in such a short span of time is something that I wouldn't want to happen to me when I have the whole lot of time to cherish every moment of doing the things I want to do. That's why I believe in the idea that sometimes we have to drop everything and have fun. We only live once so why waste it over stress? It hasn't been proven if there's really such thing as a second life but even if there is, that you in this lifetime will not be the same you again in the next lifetime. So I leave you this question, "If you were Adam, what would you do?"
#NowListening to "The City Never Sleeps" By Jason Walker
Album: Starlight Moonlight
While watching this movie I just thought how terrible it'd be to one day live like your usual self free from any deadly illnesses then the next day find yourself on the brink of death. For a lot of people who have never been diagnosed with a deadly sickness we'd probably never understand how hard it is. Maybe yes we do have a knowledge on how hard it is based on stories and facts but nothing compares to experience. I don't wish to suffer this kind of fate someday but pondering on how it's like to be that sick knowing that you won't be living long enough, for someone who's suffering from this fate I'm sure the first thing the person would think about is how he lived his life and what he could have done. Regrets.
In an ordinary day, when we know that we are healthy and in good condition to do what we need and are expected to do, we don't really allot even just a few moments to ponder about how precious life is. We just don't care. We believe that we just have to go with the daily flow and think about tomorrow next time. But no, it's not supposed to go that way. We're too busy earning money to spend on material things that would really mean nothing at all once something happens that would put our routine life into a halt such as suffering from an incurable disease as cancer. Does it really have to take a hard luck to make us realize what and how much we've been missing in life? Does it always have to be too late?
I feel really sad for the people who are suffering from this kind of fate and have no choice but to make the most out of their remaining days. Given their condition the only choice left for them is to live their life on urgency. They just have to resort to doing everything that they could have done before but they never did so when they were still perfectly in control in a short span of time. Now that they are weak and dying they finally realize that it's not so hard to do it after all. Back then they were just too lazy or busy thinking about the inconsequential things. Realizing that they were able to do so many things they once wanted to do when they were healthier all they can do is wish that they could have done it sooner. To be able to put everything on rush or cram all of the last minute plans in such a short span of time is something that I wouldn't want to happen to me when I have the whole lot of time to cherish every moment of doing the things I want to do. That's why I believe in the idea that sometimes we have to drop everything and have fun. We only live once so why waste it over stress? It hasn't been proven if there's really such thing as a second life but even if there is, that you in this lifetime will not be the same you again in the next lifetime. So I leave you this question, "If you were Adam, what would you do?"
#NowListening to "The City Never Sleeps" By Jason Walker
Album: Starlight Moonlight
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